I can’t remember which app it was, but I tried online dating over a decade ago. I noticed I wasn’t getting very many responses to any messages I sent out, and it was basically after saying yes to everyone and I had spent some time on the app, so I got to the point where I just messaged everyone a generic opener….
I talked to my female roommate at the time and I got a couple generic photos of her, she was a young mid 20’s woman who was very pretty but idk average for a young beautiful woman.
I created a new profile for myself, and also a second profile for her, I let her choose the most attractive photos of me and I chose some dorky not very attractive but still cute I guess photos of her….
She had ten messages before we were even able to upload the first photo after just creating the account.
This doesn’t mean that she got messages from guys who were someone she would consider dating. It just means she got a lot of messages. I think guys don’t realize how many messages the women get. They have to wade through hundreds of “hi how are you doing” messages before they can even start a conversation. Whereas the guys have to send out messages that are unique and capture the attention of ladies to get a conversation started. Neither is ideal, it’s just how it is
That’s very true and likely why she felt so overwhelmed. No one is really winning. She would have had a really good match in there but drowned in a sea of options.
In this case we only left the app open for a couple hours that afternoon before we deleted it, but it’s just anecdotal evidence that show if we are specifically talking about online dating the problems are just as bad for either sex if we are talking about cis heteronormative relationships
I dunno if that would be being allergic to strawberries so much, since most of these services have options for only seeing women if you’re also a women. The gay dating market in general seems much healthier, ime.
It’s more as though you were drowning in strawberries, and then maybe one out of a twenty or twenty-five wasn’t rotten at the face, or, maybe one in twenty wasn’t a clone of the same five or six kinds of strawberries that you keep seeing.
It’s ultimately the same problem for both sexes, though. An overabundance, and a lack of real ability to distinguish between everything because of both a glut and a drought of overly flattened data leads to a kind of processed apathy out of sheer volume. Then, neglect leads to desperation, and then for some, to resentment, and so on and so forth.
What I really don’t understand is that for mostly purely cultural reasons there’s such a massive and self-reinforcing disparity, it’s kind of insane. There has to be a further underlying cause there than just like, 20 or 25% of men are desperate freaks and that sort of plunges everything into a downward spiral where everyone is sort of putting on this elaborate game of lying to each other because of a couple bad actors.
Makes it kind of impossible to deal with any of this if you’re autistic, to be honest.
Online dating is probably a bad idea. I’m pretty sure the number one criteria is looks, because that’s all you really have to go on for the most part.
If you care about more than just looks, meeting people in person is going to be the way to go.
I guess if you are an introvert you might struggle in person, but the connections you do make will be that much more valuable.
A lot of connections online are superficial and if you can delete your whole relationship with someone with one click of a button, you probably didn’t have any kind of authentic relationship in the first place.
I can’t remember which app it was, but I tried online dating over a decade ago. I noticed I wasn’t getting very many responses to any messages I sent out, and it was basically after saying yes to everyone and I had spent some time on the app, so I got to the point where I just messaged everyone a generic opener….
I talked to my female roommate at the time and I got a couple generic photos of her, she was a young mid 20’s woman who was very pretty but idk average for a young beautiful woman.
I created a new profile for myself, and also a second profile for her, I let her choose the most attractive photos of me and I chose some dorky not very attractive but still cute I guess photos of her….
She had ten messages before we were even able to upload the first photo after just creating the account.
This doesn’t mean that she got messages from guys who were someone she would consider dating. It just means she got a lot of messages. I think guys don’t realize how many messages the women get. They have to wade through hundreds of “hi how are you doing” messages before they can even start a conversation. Whereas the guys have to send out messages that are unique and capture the attention of ladies to get a conversation started. Neither is ideal, it’s just how it is
That’s very true and likely why she felt so overwhelmed. No one is really winning. She would have had a really good match in there but drowned in a sea of options.
In this case we only left the app open for a couple hours that afternoon before we deleted it, but it’s just anecdotal evidence that show if we are specifically talking about online dating the problems are just as bad for either sex if we are talking about cis heteronormative relationships
A really sad point. Though I think drowning in option is better for self esteem than 0. If males had plenty I doubt we would see such a trend.
Drowning in strawberries when you are allergic to strawberries is not very good for your health
I dunno if that would be being allergic to strawberries so much, since most of these services have options for only seeing women if you’re also a women. The gay dating market in general seems much healthier, ime. It’s more as though you were drowning in strawberries, and then maybe one out of a twenty or twenty-five wasn’t rotten at the face, or, maybe one in twenty wasn’t a clone of the same five or six kinds of strawberries that you keep seeing. It’s ultimately the same problem for both sexes, though. An overabundance, and a lack of real ability to distinguish between everything because of both a glut and a drought of overly flattened data leads to a kind of processed apathy out of sheer volume. Then, neglect leads to desperation, and then for some, to resentment, and so on and so forth. What I really don’t understand is that for mostly purely cultural reasons there’s such a massive and self-reinforcing disparity, it’s kind of insane. There has to be a further underlying cause there than just like, 20 or 25% of men are desperate freaks and that sort of plunges everything into a downward spiral where everyone is sort of putting on this elaborate game of lying to each other because of a couple bad actors. Makes it kind of impossible to deal with any of this if you’re autistic, to be honest.
Online dating is probably a bad idea. I’m pretty sure the number one criteria is looks, because that’s all you really have to go on for the most part.
If you care about more than just looks, meeting people in person is going to be the way to go.
I guess if you are an introvert you might struggle in person, but the connections you do make will be that much more valuable.
A lot of connections online are superficial and if you can delete your whole relationship with someone with one click of a button, you probably didn’t have any kind of authentic relationship in the first place.