As a christian, I’m a lot angrier at the insatiable consumerism than at a fir tree.

Cue the

N-n-n-no, you see, this Bible verse about ‘everlasting life’ proves the Christmas Tree is Biblical! A-a-a-and here’s one about Peter running the Church, which explains all of the customs and traditions of the Catholic Church! And uh, Easter customs sre symbolic of the Resurrection!