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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/Beneficial-Way-5416 on 2023-07-17 08:52:59.

I’m 33M, married to 32F for 8 years. Our relationship is great, no kids yet, plenty of time to be together, frequent date nights, both have high paying jobs with regular hours and few expenses. I find her very attractive, and she says I’m good looking and sexually attractive as well.

Now, the problem. I want is for her to be submissive in various ways. To give me head until I come for example, ideally allowing me to hold her head. Or anal play with toys.

Through conversations, she completely understands what I want. But her position is that if she wants to do something, then she will do it, otherwise, it won’t happen.

So…over the past few years, I’ve used this deep desire as motivation to become a better man and partner for her, so that she has the desire to be a better sexual partner for me.

I gave up most things to focus on becoming as fit/attractive as possible, build wealth to provide stability, working on our house on the weekends, doing most of the chores, planning fun trips. And so on. If there’s something that I think she would like, I write it down and work on it consistently.

I am actually quite grateful that I could use this as motivation to transform myself and become a better man. However, despite my efforts, not much has changed in our sexual encounters.

It’s feels a bit like Groundhog Day, penis-vagina sex repeating in the same positions in the same order. Every so often, she’ll let me do something like put my finger in her butt for a minute, or give me shallow head for 10-20 seconds or so, but it’s never really close to what I want.

Maybe watching too much porn as a teen and early 20s screwed me up, and what I want is unrealistic.