This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.
It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?
But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.
I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?
Just use the correct one, increasingly pointedly, and hope they get the clue?
As long as it’s well-intentioned and in what sounds like a really niche situation, also kinda whatever? In general, in English, they/them can be used for a bunch of pretty decent reasons, like just not being sure which is appropriate. If whoever feels bad about it, that’s one thing, and people need to be made aware. Does it need to be assumed they feel bad about it? You could probably ask whatever they’d prefer in this or that hypothetical, on the off chance they’ve ever thought about it.