My wife found out Saturday through an ancestry.com DNA test that her dad is not her actual biological father. Her mother had a supposed one time incident with a man she found on Facebook through the names on the ancestry test. Her parents separated when she was 6. She wasn’t close with her dad over the years, but there was nothing ugly about it. Now she has been getting closer with him. She doesn’t want to tell him that he’s not her biological father, as that would hurt the relationship.
I told her she needs to tell him, because honesty is a building block of a relationship and that he’s still her father. If he finds out through the test that he took too (and didn’t put it together that she’s not his), then he will be devastated that she didn’t say anything. My question is, should she tell him or not?
I’ll support her decision either way, but I think honesty is the right thing. The right thing isn’t always the easy thing. I understand that her Dad, who raised her, will always be her true father to her.
Oh so he knows they’re not a match? So, he knows. I don’t think she needs to add that she knows about her mom’s affair because even then that’s speculation on who it is and they’re already divorced. It would be different if they were still married. He’s probably in denial and afraid his daughter won’t want to be his daughter anymore even though that’s silly.
Best thing she can do is say, “welp, even if we’re not a match, you’re still my dad and I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”
Personal experience: my grandpa knows we took the test years ago and he hasn’t taken it. Turns out our mom is a completely different ethnic background from him (she’s half Italian instead of half Russian/Ashkenazi). He asks if we matched with our cousins and we change the subject. My definitely-not-Italian grandpa has a rose colored version of his dead wife in his head and we kids aren’t going to take that away from him in his old age even though I’m sure he knows.