I don’t really know where to ask this.
I need to work on my self-esteem issues, a lot of which are caused by my home life. I’m “not logical”, clumsy, dumb, not smart, etc.
But they call me smart when it comes to my schoolwork as in, “You’re smart, you can do your work.” When I’m stressed.
My family wants me to be perfect and I’m just not.
They make jokes when I’m upset, and when I’m upset or try to tell them, I’m “too sensitive” and they go on about how insecure and how weak I am.
I broke up with my partner. They said I was too sensitive and insecure because I was upset about having to block the person. One of them laughed and said “You’re still upset?” When it happened 30 minutes before they said that.
Even my sister puts me down or calls me names sometimes to fit in.
Sadly I grew up in a similar situation, my father was emotionally abusive to me and the rest of the family joined in with him to keep him from turning on them as well, I think. I was fat, stupid, lazy, untrustworthy liar and a bad person. When I was bullied at school, they told me it was my own fault. I didn’t go on to college because they had me so convinced I was too stupid to understand the classes.
This was many years ago. Basically, I escaped them. I left home as soon as I could, like 17-18 and never went back. It wasn’t easy. There were brief periods where I was homeless. However those times helped show me that they were not only wrong, but that how they treated me was wrong (this was long before the internet existed).
I earned my associates degree in a stem field when I was 48 and have a really good job now that I am proud of. I’ve gotten farther than I ever thought I would. And I can truly say that I did all of it, with zero help from anyone. I sometimes wonder what I could have been if I had a loving, supportive family.
It damaged me emotionally in some ways ngl but overall it taught me the value of persistence and not to give up on myself.
I have gone out of my way to make sure they can’t find me. Someone found me about 10 years ago. To ask me for money.