I think he might be referencing those “I’m a Mac. And I’m a PC” commercials

I think you’re confusing training it with running it. After it’s trained, you can run it on much weaker hardware.

It’s a really big poop.

Or try carbon steel pans. Very similar to cast iron, but much lighter.

into the labels found on the rind

The labels are directly on the rind of the cheese - not on a sticker or something.

He meant that you’d have to start fathering children at 14 so that you could have 4 of them under 18 by the time you turn 18, which would be the age for military service.

What makes that a bad thing?

You could look at the 40-45" LG OLED TVs.