Seriously. When my mom got cancer and ultimately passed, my dad turned to religion. When he passed a couple years later his reverend was there. He got down on one knee to talk to my brothers, 14 and 15 at the time, and told them that if they don’t accept jesus as their lord and saviour they’ll never see their parents again. It was less than an hour after he passed, while we were still in the hospital room with my dad’s body. I don’t think I could come up with something that fucked up to say to a couple kids who had just lost their last parent if I tried.

Not just a bare ass, but a bare ass with either a beer bong or a turkey baster inserted into it.