Are we SURE this article is satire?

Counter counter offer. I burn the cookies, because I’m bad at ovens, and we somehow eat my burnt pancakes while trying to figure out how I made cookies and it came out burnt pancakes.

I am shocked. SHOCKED I say.

…not that shocked actually.

Ok…this can’t be real. You’re telling me trump is just waiting by the window, watching all the cars go by, then gets excited when a car pulls up the driveway?

I mean, I do that when I’m stoned, but I don’t have a whole team of secret services and whomever on staff to answer the door for me.

For that matter, why did he use doordash at all? What if the delivery driver had a gun? A LOT of people want trump dead. Though I can’t say I’d be surprised if I read the headline “Trump assasinated by McDonalds delivery driver. J.D. Vance cluelessly now president.”

ballsy

I see what you did there.

If I were mcdonalds, I’d sue him. Then put out the next wave of marketing.

“McDonalds! We’re not for pedophiles.”

You could even write a little jingle.

“We don’t diddle kids! It’s no good diddling kids…”

Offer:

You come make cookies at my place all day everyday.

In return, I shall eat your cookie, and give you many compliments.

Preview of this community in 20 years:

"The previous owner of this condo screwed a spice rack into the studs. Now I can’t remove my broken refridgerator…

There’s a different hub, where people all share their porn. A porn hub if you will.

It’s called Xhamster.

Oh thank god. For a while there I thought I was stuck on this planet with assholes like elon musk, and trump.

Ok, so, this new planet we’re going to…do they have bacon? Or should we find some left leaning farmers to bring some pigs for breeding?

Look, I’m excited to leave this hellhole called earth, but, c’mon. We gotta bring bacon.

But we don’t have to bring pedophiles, or fascists. That’s why we’re leaving earth to begin with.

Chevron 3 encoded

…am I doing it right? What’s a chevron? Did I do a thing?

Screw it

Here’s my thing…if Polymarket is just being used to pay bets that are obvious scams, eventually (read: real fuckin quick) Polymarket would shut that shit down. The mob don’t let cheaters into their casinos and win big every week. They break the guys thumbs, kneecaps, or maybe just off the guy.

So it makes me think that Polymarket isn’t so much a legit betting rig, as it is a money washing service probably set up by trumps people. They pump the money into Polymarket behind the scenes, win big every week, and Polymarket funnels the money right back into their accounts. With a traceable paper trail to them free and clear from the IRS.

I have no proof of this. It just doesn’t pass the smell test. Then again, trump in person probably smells awful too.

I’m only 50/50 sure this is meme. I could be completely wrong. And that’s sad. Not the idea of this being real, (although that’s sad for a whole list of reasons if true), but because it COULD be true.

As a teenager/young adult I DESPISRD george w bush. As bad as he was, as stupid as he was, if you showed me this meme in 2004, and it was coming from bush, I’d KNOW it was a meme. And a pretty bad one at that. Actually twitter didn’t exist back then, nor did the word “meme”, but you get my point. It’s too far gone to be bush. Bush actually (mostly) coherant sentences. It never felt like bush went off the deep end.

So now we live in the sad reality that THIS collection of words is easily judged as insanity manifested, but it’s not easily cast aside as something the guy who controls the nukes wouldn’t say. That’s who’s in charge right now.

And it’s sad.

Sad that he said this, and it’s 100% real. Go check his truth social posts. It’s still up.

…you’re a guy??? I’ve been picturing you as a 23 year old lesbian with purple hair, and 327 charm bracelets, but not worn on your wrists.

So you’re saying Neil Armstrong licked a lot of clit?

I don’t know what to do with this information.

Can I interest you in a goat car?

Have they considered flying to Virginia, finding the IRS HQ, robbing 1,870 different IRS agents of $1 each, and then paying the fine?

Yeah, but see here’s the thing. I don’t care what those people say. I’m not legally obligated to give a shit what they think of me.

Whereas with HOAs, if they think your door handle is the wrong color, you get fined. And it’s legally binding.

But these fuckwits on facebook and whatever the fuck other apps, can eat my entire asshole, as I give them the finger.

The thing about birds is, they have no sphincter. Meaning, they can’t “close” their butthole.

So whenever they feel the need to poop, there is a 100% chance that whatever is below them gets pooped on.

You are never safe from being pooped on if a bird is above you. The most unrealistic thing about pirates is that their shoulders aren’t full of poop stains.