Spent the last two years whittling myself to the bone to compensate for my boss, who… is going through a lot. Doesn’t know what he’s doing. He got forced into a managerial role because his boss took his own life a while back. That was one of the first things I learned about the place.
Guy spent half of the time watching Twitch streams (not hyperbole) and I convinced myself he was just burying a lot of trauma and needed support. Didn’t matter that I was brand new to IT and he’d been doing this since I was in middleschool, I just needed to learn and do everything on my own because he resisted any change as simple as using PowerShell.
Sat there about a month ago and realized that I was having full-blown panic attacks at work and drinking myself to death over a guy twice my age who was waiting on me to do everything for him. Trauma or not, I’m not less important than him. I want a chance to live my own life and help more than just one fucking guy, y’know? But I can’t do that if I don’t take care of myself first.
… Suddenly he’s a lot more motivated now that I put in my two weeks. Lesson learned, I guess. Ugh. Wish I could’ve figured it out in two months instead of two years.
Every time I try to give AI a chance (tech troubleshooting, self-therapy, research, literally anything) it is always painfully underwhelming and I get more concerned about the people who latched onto it years ago before it was even half as “good” as it is now.
On the bright side, learning and doing new things has apparently become the Cool and Rebellious thing to do for my youngest sibling and their friends (middle/highschoolers) so maybe there’s hope.