I’m pretty sure that the fox in fox news actually comes from a mispronunciation of the word faux. Faux news.

American Jesus

(noun)

pronounced Jee-bus

When I was younger, I used to throw grasshoppers into pens full of baby chicks where they would tear the grasshoppers limb from limb. Also, rats used to live in the henhouse but they don’t anymore because the hens killed all the rats.

The last thing we want is a repeat of the Night of the Living Piss

“The bomb partially detonated, resulting in some minor fire damage”

Apparently he isn’t very good at being a terrorist. It didn’t even manage to knock down the door and I can’t even see any damage in the picture.

Illegal immigrants deserve more then 35k. Those people are getting away from the worst places imaginable with nothing to their names

I hate the interface rework that requires you to use your mouse, and won’t play new versions because of it

“But diamonds are forever, don’t you want to show your partner how your love for them is forever too?”

No they fucking aren’t, heat one and hit it with a jet of oxygen and it’ll burn like any other chunk of carbon.

Not sure if this counts, but on my install of nobara whenever I hover over an icon in the home bar it relocates to the bottom left corner of the screen, leaving an empty space. I can still interact with apps by clicking on the empty space where the icon used to be so it doesn’t brick my home bar, it’s just really annoying.

If your hot-dog tastes

Like a piece of wood

Who’re you gonna call?

GHOST MUSTARD!

Art of the meal

My parents pay like 40 dollars per month for 1Mb down and like .2 Mb up

One second, let me try to recreate Ron “I lost a presidential bid to an orangutan” Desantis’s thought process:

Inhale

WE HAVE TO BAN FAKE MEAT BECAUSE ITS MADE BY LIBERAL WOKE COMMUNIST SCIENTISTS THAT WILL LACE IT WITH TRANSGENDERISM AND TURN OUR KIDS GAY OUR REAL AMERICAN KIDS SHOULD ONLY EAT REAL AMERICAN MEAT

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go disinfect my mouth

Unlike billionaires, some parasites are beneficial to humanity (there’s a species of wasp that lays its eggs in plant-destroying caterpillars, and leeches can be used as bait while fishing).

Republicans try to increase birth rates, but end up blocking IVF instead:

“It hurt itself in its confusion stupidity!”

I can absolutely see someone with androgen insensitivity syndrome (female with XY chromosomes) getting thrown in jail for this.

RED: SHADOW MAGGOTS!