A Wacom Graphire tablet! This was in the early 2000’s, and my friends pooled their money to get it for me because they knew I liked to draw. I made graphics for all of my clubs and orgs and then ended up working as an illustrator through college and beyond. I used the original tablet until it broke and then moved on to the Intuos. I actually don’t draw anymore but that was definitely one of the most thoughtful and well-used gifts I’ve gotten.
What makes you feel that your current state is what you “really feel”? Who decides that? I tend to feel the opposite way; that my currently depressed, anxious self isn’t the “real” me, and that any treatment I seek- whether through therapy or medication- is just a course-correction so that I can move closer to reality. Maybe it would help to reframe it that way? When you challenge your thought patterns and work on developing healthier ones, you are making changes but you aren’t changing who you are, nor are you denying reality. Medication is just another tool/aid in the same way that therapy is.
It might be helpful to talk to your therapist about why you’re worried about losing access to your current feelings. How are they serving you right now?
Maybe you’ll find it comforting to consider that antidepressants generally aren’t that powerful and aren’t likely to change your mental state to the point I think you’re worried about. Anecdotally, I’ve been on a variety of antidepressants; some made me feel worse physically, some made me feel worse mentally, some had absolutely no effect, and some have made me feel better or more functional but in subtle ways. I’m currently on medication that isn’t the cure I’d hoped it’d be, but has enough of a positive effect that it’s worthwhile for me. Not saying that medication is for everyone, but I hope hearing others’ experiences helps you make the right decision for yourself!