I used to be an EMT (am going to be working as one again soon) and where I worked we had some good cops and some real shitty cops who had no business being cops, but one thing that they all had in common was that the rules were if someone asked for medical help, they had to call the ambulance. Didn’t matter if it looked like obvious bullshit, all the departments in the area I worked had a blanket policy that they weren’t medical professionals and they couldn’t make that decision. You could have a tiny little cut on your finger and ask for medical help and even the shittiest cops would sigh and call for EMS. These cops infuriate me. How many more people have to get murdered? If someone asks for help fucking help them and sort out the details later.

Kids these days are just so lazy, back then the average man could lift way more weight

Happy late birthday to your orange brain cell!

I’ve gone through some traumatic shit lately, and I’d also like to get a tattoo once I can put in enough OT to save for one.

Is your wife free? :)

Shit, I’ll never forget being at home watching the towers burn on TV as a kid and seeing things falling from them and asking my mom what they were and hearing “those are people jumping rather than burn to death”. Horrifying. What a choice to make.

Same on both counts

I feed my cats their wet food on large plates the size of dinner plates. The assholes still prefer to paw it onto the floor and eat it off there, and then leave a mess everywhere. They get their kibble in a wide shallow bowl, and that stays in place.

I wish the EU would fucking invade the US already. Either put us out of our misery or save us, either way, it stops our leaders from spreading the evil and murder around the globe.

I just got an autofeeder for my cats. Wonderful thing. My cats still come to me and sit and scream for food for the hour before each mealtime, and we argue about whether or not they currently need my participation in mealtime, right up until the thing kicks on, then they’re off like a shot. It’s hilarious.

(Clearly I don’t know anything about aerodynamically engineering)

I’ve never been motivated to create a time machine, but you’ve suddenly made it extremely appealing…

You think zip ties will hold together at those speeds? Not to mention cause drag due to the tiny bumps? Do you know anything about aerodynamical engineering?

You have to zip tie it together, then duct tape over top nice and smooth for extra holding strength and to reduce wind resistance. Boeing, hire me instead!

1 is when I have had to pee for the past 2 hours but have had a warm happy kitty on my lap that I didn’t want to disturb but now the situation is dire.

2 is every other time.

I’m down 40ish in a year. I mean, it’s weight I’ve been trying desperately without success to lose for years, but eventually I’m going to run out. And then when it’s 3am on a Tuesday and I’m lying awake mentally working through my budget for the 11th time that week I go “I’ve been stressed and skipped meals before and never lost weight, do I have cancer? Because I really can’t afford that.”

Alcohol turns me into a very morose, mellow philosopher who thinks the world is even darker and more fucked than I think when I’m sober. It also gives me the munchies.

I thought that was supposed to be weed that did that. But I’ve never smoked weed, so idk. I’ve pretty much stopped drinking.

What if we can’t see God because we’re all just a bunch of random synapses firing in some higher beings brain while they’re having a fever dream? After our world “ends” they’re gonna wake up and go “holy shit that was a fucked up dream”

Poor Capone was born in the wrong time. He’d have been considered a hero and a good politician today apparently.

Modded Skyrim in VR is amazing too. I’ve put my Index on and had hours slip by without realizing it. There’s nothing like wandering around Skyrim and killing dragons in VR. And then of course there’s also Half Life Alyx. That game will make you forget you’re in a game…

I dont smoke, I’ve never done drugs, and I drink a few times a year. Have I been guilty of a few frivolous purchases in the past? Sure, but now I literally do not have the money, so I can’t. I just make lists of things I’d like to buy “someday.”

I’ve gone out and bought a $7 rotisserie chicken, a $3 bag of noodles and a $3 bag of carrots, thrown them in a pot with a bunch of garlic, spices and water, slow cooked them for an entire day, then pulled out the chicken, ripped off all the meat, discarded the carcass, and lived for an entire month off that soup. I was sooo sick of chicken noodle soup.

But I shouldn’t have to. Why should I work my ass off for companies who make more and more profits while my rent goes up, food costs more and more, and every other fucking bill goes up, yet if I ask for a raise I’m a lazy millenial?

Have some fucking empathy.

The funny thing is that I’ve never had avocado toast and I tried coffee once, hated it, and never tried it again. I can’t drink energy drinks either. Take that, financial columnists!