I have been suffering from anxiety and panic practically constantly for the past 4 months, and most of the time it feels like I’m anxious for no apparent reason. I get so frustrated that I can’t figure out the root cause, and I’m so desperate to know so that I might have a fighting chance of working through my problems to get some relief.
Anyways, sometimes I will just get a big ass Red Bull and chug it to give me even worse anxiety, and it’s almost comforting in the sense that at least I know where it’s coming from. I’m just going to be anxious anyway so what’s the difference. Does anyone else do this? Or am I just off the deep end at this point?
I think the anxiety sensor in my brain is broken so I don’t really ever get anxious at all, even when it would be appropriate.
But I do this with, like, existential sadness. The fucked up shit in the world will start to really get to me every once in a while, and if I’ve got the evening free I’ll put on my playlist deliberately designed to make it worse. I’ll just sit there listening to like, Joni Mitchell’s Woodstock, and start really thinking about all the horrible, completely artificial and totally preventable problems in the world. I’ll just curl up and sob uncontrollably for about an hour or so, until I start to get dehydrated and run out of tears.