Thanks, this comes at a time i need it the most. My wife is an anxious avoidant type and we really only found out about two years ago after she suddenly quit our relationship completely because she was done with relationships for the rest of her life. mind you after having three kids with me and explaining that I can get a side piece or leave it i don’t like it.
Since then has been a daily struggle with the typical cycle of her coming closer, me getting my hope up, her acting aggressive to get me to a safe distance and us not talking for a week. Then the cycle starts from the beginning. I have been very clear about what needs to change and what is her responsibility. I have offered counseling as well as partner therapy, i offered paying for it and also going together, but to no avail. On top of that she refuses to plan for separation as she well knows I won’t leave until the kids are grown. She flat out refuses to look for work to get her own career going so she can support herself some day when I’m gone. She refuses any reality her decisions might bring on and I’m constantly torn between taking care of a mentally unhealthy partner and my own desire and need for a partnership.
On top of that my health started failing me about a year ago and the doctors have no idea what’s happening. And instead of supporting me, she has basically chosen to tell anybody I was faking it while not visiting me in the stroke unit until I begged her to at least bring the kids over for multiple days. My empathy knows no bounds with her, I love her to the moon and back. I understand this is her protecting herself against anything that might trigger an emotional bond that might make her vulnerable. more than ever she is afraid to lose me and be hurt by that. Ironically she is more afraid of even touching me than anybody else in her life just to keep me at arms length.
I’m at a point where that doesn’t make any difference anymore. She is unable to be a partner to me and I’m so alone and afraid. It doesn’t matter why she can’t be there for me. If that had been a real stroke I would have died alone, she told me to get a grip when I called the ambulance. I asked her opinion because I was scared if i should call and she flat out refused to give an opinion.
I’m the sole bread winner, I have set everything up so she can take care of the kids and herself basically forever if I actually die. But there is not even a hint of acknowledgement or even worry. I met the fucking neighbor in the ICU who had stroke like symptoms, guess who was with her?! Her husband and father of their three kids.
Today i looked at her the first time in 13 years and didn’t see the beautiful women i love and the mother of my three kids. I couldn’t even recognize the human husk sitting there straddling her phone and pretending she didn’t see me looking at her. I think she finally neglected me enough and refused to change for long enough it might actually stop hurting me…
I have contacted a specialist therapist today for her opinion if my health issues might be caused by the ups and downs here at home. The daily anxiety of losing my kids and being alone for the rest of my days and not knowing if that shit might make me unable to work or live my life. I’m having panic attack like states and other days I’m like in a haze and then again I know it’s not her fault but her shitty parents. But it is her responsibility and I need to set a boundary to protect myself. Sadly my emotions seem to finally do that by themselves.
Finally after years of being unable to even look at another woman as potentially worthy of being a next partner I seem to at least cool off on the emotions to her. And I’m still not sure i actually like that at all…
Thanks, this comes at a time i need it the most. My wife is an anxious avoidant type and we really only found out about two years ago after she suddenly quit our relationship completely because she was done with relationships for the rest of her life. mind you after having three kids with me and explaining that I can get a side piece or leave it i don’t like it.
Since then has been a daily struggle with the typical cycle of her coming closer, me getting my hope up, her acting aggressive to get me to a safe distance and us not talking for a week. Then the cycle starts from the beginning. I have been very clear about what needs to change and what is her responsibility. I have offered counseling as well as partner therapy, i offered paying for it and also going together, but to no avail. On top of that she refuses to plan for separation as she well knows I won’t leave until the kids are grown. She flat out refuses to look for work to get her own career going so she can support herself some day when I’m gone. She refuses any reality her decisions might bring on and I’m constantly torn between taking care of a mentally unhealthy partner and my own desire and need for a partnership.
On top of that my health started failing me about a year ago and the doctors have no idea what’s happening. And instead of supporting me, she has basically chosen to tell anybody I was faking it while not visiting me in the stroke unit until I begged her to at least bring the kids over for multiple days. My empathy knows no bounds with her, I love her to the moon and back. I understand this is her protecting herself against anything that might trigger an emotional bond that might make her vulnerable. more than ever she is afraid to lose me and be hurt by that. Ironically she is more afraid of even touching me than anybody else in her life just to keep me at arms length.
I’m at a point where that doesn’t make any difference anymore. She is unable to be a partner to me and I’m so alone and afraid. It doesn’t matter why she can’t be there for me. If that had been a real stroke I would have died alone, she told me to get a grip when I called the ambulance. I asked her opinion because I was scared if i should call and she flat out refused to give an opinion.
I’m the sole bread winner, I have set everything up so she can take care of the kids and herself basically forever if I actually die. But there is not even a hint of acknowledgement or even worry. I met the fucking neighbor in the ICU who had stroke like symptoms, guess who was with her?! Her husband and father of their three kids.
Today i looked at her the first time in 13 years and didn’t see the beautiful women i love and the mother of my three kids. I couldn’t even recognize the human husk sitting there straddling her phone and pretending she didn’t see me looking at her. I think she finally neglected me enough and refused to change for long enough it might actually stop hurting me…
I have contacted a specialist therapist today for her opinion if my health issues might be caused by the ups and downs here at home. The daily anxiety of losing my kids and being alone for the rest of my days and not knowing if that shit might make me unable to work or live my life. I’m having panic attack like states and other days I’m like in a haze and then again I know it’s not her fault but her shitty parents. But it is her responsibility and I need to set a boundary to protect myself. Sadly my emotions seem to finally do that by themselves.
Finally after years of being unable to even look at another woman as potentially worthy of being a next partner I seem to at least cool off on the emotions to her. And I’m still not sure i actually like that at all…