The Valerian movie is one of those movie I just can’t get over. Like, it retroactively changed my understanding of bad chemistry so fundamentally that I genuinely get confused when people say that about other movies. It shifted my ability to tell in the way adding a thousand individual 0s to a data set shifts the average.
At the same time, it every single other facet of the movie is so astoundingly good that I can’t forget it, the concepts it brings are just too deep and rich in flavor to not want more from it.
In a perfect world we’d get a spoof of the production of the movie where the director is some aged Playboy uncle to Dane Dehaan and has spent a fortune and called in decades worth of favors to orchestrate the production of this movie just to put his cronically unfuckable nephew in direct contact with the actress he’s obsessed with in hopes of reliving his youthful conquests vicariously through this kid who embodies all of the distasteful behaviors of that era without any of the charisma and passé that made it acceptable at the time.
The main character is a boy who tells the story of the movie to his big sister while swinging is can of mountain dew. He is to young to understand romantic relationships so he just copies the stuff he has seen on the old VHS of his das/uncle. Thats why the trash props are all plastic tubes and papermash.
Its a tribute to the young fans of scyfi who grew up in this weird male view of what outer space would be confronted with the view of the sisters friends and mothers of those boys who liked the stories as well but spun a wider more based Version of the caged male fantasy of “different”.
Trust me watch this shit in acid.
It will blow your mind “anders” (as the german kids like to say ;))
It was probably meant for people who want to fuck their sister, because those two had immense sibling energy. Unfortunately they also had immense asexual energy.
Dehaan was kinda hot shit back when he was cast even though it was instant miscast (he was in that weird Metallica movie among other things and he did well in A Cure for Wellness) - but by the time the movie came out he was as cold as two day shit. So that’s on Besson. Miles Teller or Alden Ehrenreich would’ve been better choices because they have punchable faces and a shit eating grins which is integral part of early Valerian - that dude was obnoxious.
funny thing is that Bruce Willis in Fifth Element is actually quite accurate latter day jaded Valerian - so it is not like Besson couldn’t figure out how to do that character but i guess EuropaCorp had softened his brains quite a bit.
Well France did “Le Voyage Dans la Lune” in1892 (the first ever SF movie) and more recently “Fifth Element” and “Mars Express”.
City of lost children
Alphaville
And the jetty from which 12 monkeys was ripped.
Um, hate to remind you but Fifth Element came out 29 years ago. Fucking Valerian adaptation is almost 10 years old already.
Don’t remind me please. I like being blissfully ignorant of how fast time flies.
The Valerian movie is one of those movie I just can’t get over. Like, it retroactively changed my understanding of bad chemistry so fundamentally that I genuinely get confused when people say that about other movies. It shifted my ability to tell in the way adding a thousand individual 0s to a data set shifts the average.
At the same time, it every single other facet of the movie is so astoundingly good that I can’t forget it, the concepts it brings are just too deep and rich in flavor to not want more from it.
In a perfect world we’d get a spoof of the production of the movie where the director is some aged Playboy uncle to Dane Dehaan and has spent a fortune and called in decades worth of favors to orchestrate the production of this movie just to put his cronically unfuckable nephew in direct contact with the actress he’s obsessed with in hopes of reliving his youthful conquests vicariously through this kid who embodies all of the distasteful behaviors of that era without any of the charisma and passé that made it acceptable at the time.
Fuck… I need to watch that movie again…
The main character is a boy who tells the story of the movie to his big sister while swinging is can of mountain dew. He is to young to understand romantic relationships so he just copies the stuff he has seen on the old VHS of his das/uncle. Thats why the trash props are all plastic tubes and papermash.
Its a tribute to the young fans of scyfi who grew up in this weird male view of what outer space would be confronted with the view of the sisters friends and mothers of those boys who liked the stories as well but spun a wider more based Version of the caged male fantasy of “different”.
Trust me watch this shit in acid. It will blow your mind “anders” (as the german kids like to say ;))
It was probably meant for people who want to fuck their sister, because those two had immense sibling energy. Unfortunately they also had immense asexual energy.
Read the comics (Bande dessinée). And it should have been named Laureline. Valérian can manage but Laureline is the true heroine.
Dehaan was kinda hot shit back when he was cast even though it was instant miscast (he was in that weird Metallica movie among other things and he did well in A Cure for Wellness) - but by the time the movie came out he was as cold as two day shit. So that’s on Besson. Miles Teller or Alden Ehrenreich would’ve been better choices because they have punchable faces and a shit eating grins which is integral part of early Valerian - that dude was obnoxious.
funny thing is that Bruce Willis in Fifth Element is actually quite accurate latter day jaded Valerian - so it is not like Besson couldn’t figure out how to do that character but i guess EuropaCorp had softened his brains quite a bit.
Still over 100 years more recent than the other one. And, incidentally, a time I still remember well. When Fifth Element came out, that is.
man, i wish i could remember 1902 well as well.
Yes, Mars Express was actually really good but it’s as oversexed as most of French cinema (except for comedies which consist mostly of shouting).
It’s not over-sexed for Frenchies …