But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.
Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.
Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.
It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.
Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.
Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.
Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.
In which scenario would you expect to feel better.
What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.
Again, disagree. The average is not much younger than I was, 17 is closer to average (at least in the US). And I didn’t say it shouldn’t be with someone you care about, I said, there is nothing special about virginity.
I’m not going to argue with another woman just because I disagree, just know that I’m not that much of an outlier and virginity doesn’t have to be some special thing. It’s just penis in vagina or other variations of genitals that one’s satisfy sexual orientation. Not all women carry trauma from the first time having sex, I carry no trauma other than he couldn’t finish because he was nervous.
If we stop treating it like it’s something special and instead as a natural part of life, maybe people can talk about it more openly instead of treating it like it’s a taboo subject.
Edit: I mistakenly assumed this guy was a woman because I misread one of his comments. The rest of my statement still stands.
No, but I did not make the claim that most if not all women carry trauma from their first time. You did.
Like I said, I hate arguing with other women on Lemmy. We need to stick together because the misogyny is so strong here. But you were the one who generalized without evidence.
The sentiment of the post is to teach women that losing your virginity is nothing special, that doesn’t mean it should be talked about and young folks educated on what should happen. Just that it’s not special.
Yeah that makes you somewhat of an outlier. Most are below 18 and want it to be with someone they care about
But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.
Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.
Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.
It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.
Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.
It should be talked about, in that we agree. Sex ed should include what to do, what to expect, and how to have fun as well as protecting oneself.
I am also a woman and I have no trauma from my first time. It was with my bf at the time, but it still wasn’t anything special.
Unfortunately the fact that it wasn’t traumatizing is pretty special, you just never needed to find that out fortunately
I would like a source on most if not all women experience trauma from losing their virginity. Because my experience really isn’t that special.
It was fumbling, silly, nervous, sure. But not traumatic.
I think thats exactly why this sentiment is being fielded.
It allows a separation from what can easily be a less than pleasant experience that society often puts a lot of pressure on.
That actually makes it worse. Trauma is healed by being acknowledged, not trivialized.
Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.
Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.
In which scenario would you expect to feel better.
What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.
Please don’t go around telling people trauma is a mindset again.
Re-read my last. You’re making a slightly different distinction to uphold this point, and it doesnt really make sense.
Your thinly veiled victim blaming talking points are not as subtle as you think cowboy.
Again, disagree. The average is not much younger than I was, 17 is closer to average (at least in the US). And I didn’t say it shouldn’t be with someone you care about, I said, there is nothing special about virginity.
First times of everything is considered special throughout all cultures, it goes without say that the more intense and intimate the more special.
I’m not going to argue with another woman just because I disagree, just know that I’m not that much of an outlier and virginity doesn’t have to be some special thing. It’s just penis in vagina or other variations of genitals that one’s satisfy sexual orientation. Not all women carry trauma from the first time having sex, I carry no trauma other than he couldn’t finish because he was nervous.
If we stop treating it like it’s something special and instead as a natural part of life, maybe people can talk about it more openly instead of treating it like it’s a taboo subject.
Edit: I mistakenly assumed this guy was a woman because I misread one of his comments. The rest of my statement still stands.
I’m happy to hear that for you.
I don’t know a single woman who’s not been traumatized by their first time.
And I know plenty who haven’t been traumatized. Anecdotes aren’t evidence.
Edit: I don’t think you’ve talked to very many women if you’ve never met a single woman who wasn’t traumatized after having sex for the first time.
You already know the research on this, right?
No, but I did not make the claim that most if not all women carry trauma from their first time. You did.
Like I said, I hate arguing with other women on Lemmy. We need to stick together because the misogyny is so strong here. But you were the one who generalized without evidence.
The sentiment of the post is to teach women that losing your virginity is nothing special, that doesn’t mean it should be talked about and young folks educated on what should happen. Just that it’s not special.
I’m not really sure where you get the idea from that I’m a woman, but what you just said seems really sexist.