After being temporarily ejected from my birth parent’s home on Monday evening under false pretenses, this week has been one of the worst weeks of my life. She has been increasingly transphobic and unsupportive from the beginning and it came to a head this summer after I changed my name.

It is really sad because I am certain she has been gradually affected by cognitive decline and recently it has gotten worse. I was her caregiver for 10 years. Life sucks like that sometimes.

I will defend myself in court in 3 days. She was ordered by the judge to allow me 1 visit in between to pick up more of my belongings because I was only given 5 minutes to do so Monday night by the cops, and of course they show up late at night so I was quite groggy. Sadly, the cops have not called me back yet so in anticipation of her defying the judges order, I splurged at a thrift store and bought a cute black and white mini dress and a black purse to match. And hell ya I am wearing it to court. If I go down, it won’t be while wearing a T-shirt 😹

I had one advantage in my current situation, in that I have been anticipating something like this happening for over 3 months. So I already had a backpack prepared. I kept all my identity documents in it, including all prescription medications, my pill planners, my laptop, charging cable and brick, and a copy of my name change order.

This forward thinking saved this girl’s behind because I had to apply for shelter and SNAP on Thursday and found out that the State I live in, which is one of the better ones for trans folks, STILL had my dead name somewhere on their back end computers. So the guy is looking back and forth between my application and his screen and finally he said, something is wrong, your name doesn’t match your SSN. I was very upset internally but I put that emotion quickly to the side and explained that I was fairly certain that I had my new SS card in my car. He allowed me time to go get it and moved to the next person. Folks, I even had the letter they sent me saying ‘your name change was successful and your card is on its way but you can use this to start updating other things.’ This state tried to screw me over when I updated my medical insurance with them as well. It took fully 1 month to complete and I had to hound them about it. So if you change your name, be prepared for several follow ups with everything you change it on.

If you or anyone else is coming out to people that you live with, please prepare a backpack like this. If things even seem a tiny bit rocky, If they do not immediately embrace your identity, start preparing for the worst. Better yet, prepare before you tell anyone. Please pass along my story to anyone you wish.

I am alive, I am safe, and I am attempting to heal. I have an amazingly awesome therapist and supportive queer community. I was able to create accounts to allow myself to receive donations on the second day I was unhoused because I had all my information at hand. And the community rose up to meet me and try and arrange friendly couches which I will start relying on after the hearing. I have received money from complete strangers. Sometimes life kicks you down with one foot and helps you back up with the other… foot. Ok that line needs work. I still have my sense of humor 😹

I slept in my car on the third night by choice but I wasn’t prepared enough for that. I received amazing advice from people, you can check the thread I posted last week.

I am truly blessed and have started making plans for what I will do with the rest of my life. I am already 54 years old but I think I got another 25 or 30 years left in the tank and I will not give up.

I have worked on compiling a defense and hopefully I can get a public defender as my previous law firm is super busy now. As far as I am aware, the worst that happens Wednesday is that their bogus protective order stands and I will be officially evicted. Fuck it, get me the fuck away from her and the other 2 family members enabling her shitty behavior. I may lose my whole family over this. But I don’t care anymore. It’s up to them to decide who to believe.

Sorry for the huge post. I needed to say a lot, I guess. I have concentrated hard on self care and used some of the funds I was given for 5 nights in the best cheapest hotel possible. Tuesday night I will stay near the courthouse in an even more comfy hotel. I can’t stay in hotels forever and I know this. So I will spend my time finding more friends, learning spanish, creating music and learning how to live and navigate life as another person in between the cracks of society.

I am truly happy and blessed, and I am convinced there is more for me to do on this planet. Thank you for indulging me in this space. 💜💜💜

Thank you again! I will follow up on these items this weekend. I still have prime for a couple months so this will be a good time to acquire stuff.
These resources are super awesome!

💜

Thank you so much. I managed to get signed up for snap yesterday and on waitlist for shelter. I am willing to try a shelter just to see if they are ok here. 2 nights ago i tried sleeping in my car. It was rough. Partly because it was a little uncomf but also i was going through it. A close friend had just rejected me because she doesnt like homeless people. So i went to a place in the country we used to go decades ago. I went there to sleep and say goodbye to her in a way. If i sleep in my car again i am getting a damn pillow first. I finally realized, hey, i can put my stuffed shark behind my neck! But then i couldnt fall back to sleep and one of the farmers came home at like 3am so i got out of there.

The queer community around here is really good, and after posting my story to enough places, peeps started reaching out asking how they could donate. I know you said to avoid motels and i will follow that advice as much as possible but this place i got last night was pretty cheap for 5 nights. I needed to feel safe while my court case plays out. I have multiple folks trying to help me find couches to surf on. And a potential lead on a longer term space.

So, for now i am safe. I think in a few days i’ll make a seperate update post. I wanted to let you know how much your words have meant and helped. May the universe bless you friend. If you ever want to chat my DM’s are open.

💜

Thank you so much for this advice. Incredibly valuable and very much appreciated. I will try to keep my chin up and my spirits high but I will have to start processing and accepting my new reality and that is very hard. But I have come this far.

Thank you!!!

Thanks. I am still safe for now. Shork helped me today. I will try and apply for snap. I already have Medicaid. I have retirement funds but I am trying to wait a few months to avoid penalty but may not have a choice…

I am in the US, not too far from washington dc. One of my friends has been adding me to a couple discord servers and such and another friend is asking her network.

Thank you for that advice. 💜

Oh ya, i heard about this on public radio. It’s moving at like 8% of the speed of light. That is faaaaaast.

As someone that has visited the center of the galaxy in a video game (Elite Damgerous), it would be freaking wild if the game developers could take these kinds of findings and add it. It would make visiting Sag. A way more exciting lol.

💜

I came out via email to the majority of the folks that i told. Of the people that replied to that email, only 1 family member was negative… He said that what i was doing was “gutsy”, said he would use my new name but not my pronouns. So far i havn’t had to deal with that person and i made a decision at that time not to respond. Unfortunately he may show up here next month with his siblings. The only plan i can think of is to avoid confronting him unless he makes a huge deal out of misgendering me. At least his siblings make a half assed attempt. Family can be the worst people wrt transitioning sadly.

But it was way easier dealing with that rejection because it wasn’t to my face. And who knows, maybe he changed his mind. Lol.

Tldr email good. I used a text message for a close friend i hadnt spoken with in years and now we are in regular contact again and she has been so crucial and very supportive.

I hope that however you decide to come out that you will find those who will fully be an ally.

💜

What the fuck. So this is what they are going to do to the only few safe blue states, just bully the fuck out of each county? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck

I am so glad to hear this, and I hope she prevails.

Keep fighting! Show the bigot bullies that we are not pushovers.