I wont go too far into my story because it is too hard right now. But sadly and suddenly i am facing homelessness due to transphobic family members. I am currently safe staying at a hotel for the night, but i have no job so i cant afford too many hotel stays.

I have an appointment with my therapist later this morning and i am feeling ok, all things considered and i havnt thought at all about hurting myself (and that isnt something i have a history of). I am fortunately at a fairly stable point in my life and i believe i can make it through this. But i know i cant do it alone.

I am currently trying to reach out to friends for support and i have the phone number to a shelter line but i am scared of going to one. I am hopeful that i can find something temporary but i am trying to look at every option.

I am not asking for handouts or anything like that. I know there is a mutual aid com if it comes to needing assistance if all else fails.

What i am asking for is advice from anyone that has faced this situation. Just… anything. I dont even know what to ask. I feel so lost. At least i grabbed one of my sharks before the cops escorted me out. Which is good bc i am very sad girl right now. I think i will go cry. Thanks for listening

  • Jspelts@lemmy.worldEnglish
    12·
    6 days ago

    I’ve been homeless for 13 years, so I’ll give what advice I can –

    First off, you will live through this.

    I’ve had zero luck with shelters. They’re dangerous. Theft, drugs, disease and violence. Maybe the shelter near you is better, and I hope so, but if not you’ll need to have a backup plan.

    Hotels will drain you dry. DO NOT spend your last dollar on one. In fact, leave now. You need your money for survival. A hotel will eat the dollars you need to survive.

    Make sure you have one large duffel bag and a large backpack. You’ll need a 1-man tent and sleeping bag (thermal). Keep those and your clothes in the large duffel. Keep toiletries, paperwork (ie: birth certificate), laptop, phone, chargers, etc in the backpack. Get a $15 pocket stove from a Walmart, a $6 small pot, and a $10 can of fuel so you can cook. Get on food stamps and Medicaid ASAP. Do not wait on that. You’re homeless, you’ll get both, and you’ll need both. EBT is roughly $300 per month in food, and you can use it in all 50 states. Make a cardboard sign that says “HUNGRY” and keep it in your backpack. You’ll get food and cash. You just need to learn where to fly it.

    Winter is coming, and if you’re in the DC area it’s not a good thing. Cold, wind and rain/snow are your enemies. And DC is not exactly “homeless friendly”. Winter is coming, you’ll want to relocate. Don’t get too caught up in the “red state vs. blue state” balogna. It’s more like “can I survive this place for X amount of time?”. I do Colorado for summer, and Houston for winter. For your situation, you’ll need to find LGBTQ-friendly cities. Texas may sound hick and redneck and all things conservative, but Austin is about as San Fransisco-y as it gets. Shop around, travel around. Chase the weather.

    Places to avoid is basically any place that’s popular for homeless. Florida. Don’t go there (it sucks for homeless people because there’s just too many). Same with SoCal. Same with Frisco. Same with Salt Lake City (they’re actually in the process of warehousing homeless people against their will, stay the hell away from that!).

    I’ve usually hichhiked between locations, but I’ve also done the whole panhandle --> short bus ride to nearby town/city --> panhandle for the next leg. It involves swallowing your pride a little, but it’s better than going hungry. And don’t be afraid to put down “NEED TENT” or “NEED BUS TICKET”. You’ll be amazed at the help you get.

    Stay away from other homeless you see. Visible homeless are almost always guaranteed to be on drugs and willing to steal your stuff. Avoid them like the plague. After a while, you’ll learn which homeless people you can trust. And you won’t meet those people on street corners.

    Avoid downtown areas. Safest places to camp are almost always on the outskirts of cities that still have public transit. Camp out of sight and out of mind. Tent goes up after dark, get some sleep, and take it down at sunrise. Eventually, you find a spot where you can leave your tent up for a while and actually find work. It doesn’t happen immediately but it does happen.

    In all honesty, the entire Northeast and DC areas are the absolute worst places in the country to be homeless. If things don’t start working out, plan an escape to somewhere (literally anywhere) else. No matter where you go, libraries are your friend for charging electronics and using wifi. Showering can be difficult depending on the city. In Phoenix there’s municipal pools for just a few bucks that have showers. Houston’s parks all have showers for 75 cents. Florida has beachside showers, but a massive homeless population and an overburdened social services system.

    That’s about all the help I can give right now. It’s completely doable, so keep your head up. Keep a very open mind to traveling, it’ll likely be your only way out. Feel free to ask if you have any questions, I’ve been doing this a while.

    FYI – I’m still waiting on my disability case. But in the 13 years I’ve been homeless I’ve managed a 735 FICO score, 4 major credit cards, a ham radio license, and I do house-sitting. Still camp when I need to. It’s not as bad as it seems, and when I started I literally had nothing more than the pair of shorts I was wearing and a t-shirt. In December. I had been teaching English in Asia, lost my passport, and was repatriated. Started at zero. If this idiot can manage that, you’ll do far better. Good luck!

    • Clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      5·
      6 days ago

      I have never yet been without stable housing and I’m only a tourist in this community from /all, but I wanted to come in to say this looks like extremely useful advice. Thank you for sharing it.

    • Bryllyg@quokk.auOPEnglish
      1·
      5 days ago

      Thank you so much for this advice. Incredibly valuable and very much appreciated. I will try to keep my chin up and my spirits high but I will have to start processing and accepting my new reality and that is very hard. But I have come this far.

      Thank you!!!

      • Jspelts@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        5 days ago

        Yeah, the worst part is the beginning (anxiety). But once you have food stamps loaded up on your card and you find a few safe places to pitch a tent (far away from downtown areas), you’ll have a little taste of stability. It gets easier from there.

        Remember to avoid grassy areas (think public parks) when camping. Water sprinklers tend to come on at 3 am and that’s no fun…

        • Bryllyg@quokk.auOPEnglish
          2·
          3 days ago

          Thank you so much. I managed to get signed up for snap yesterday and on waitlist for shelter. I am willing to try a shelter just to see if they are ok here. 2 nights ago i tried sleeping in my car. It was rough. Partly because it was a little uncomf but also i was going through it. A close friend had just rejected me because she doesnt like homeless people. So i went to a place in the country we used to go decades ago. I went there to sleep and say goodbye to her in a way. If i sleep in my car again i am getting a damn pillow first. I finally realized, hey, i can put my stuffed shark behind my neck! But then i couldnt fall back to sleep and one of the farmers came home at like 3am so i got out of there.

          The queer community around here is really good, and after posting my story to enough places, peeps started reaching out asking how they could donate. I know you said to avoid motels and i will follow that advice as much as possible but this place i got last night was pretty cheap for 5 nights. I needed to feel safe while my court case plays out. I have multiple folks trying to help me find couches to surf on. And a potential lead on a longer term space.

          So, for now i am safe. I think in a few days i’ll make a seperate update post. I wanted to let you know how much your words have meant and helped. May the universe bless you friend. If you ever want to chat my DM’s are open.

          💜

            • Bryllyg@quokk.auOPEnglish
              1·
              3 days ago

              Thank you again! I will follow up on these items this weekend. I still have prime for a couple months so this will be a good time to acquire stuff.
              These resources are super awesome!

              💜

          • Jspelts@lemmy.worldEnglish
            2·
            3 days ago

            Glad to read that you’re doing well. A car makes all the difference in the world, so stay current on the maintenance!

            And having a community behind you definitely helps. Nice to be in a hotel for 5 nights straight, but make sure you get a tent / cot / thermal sleeping bag. A cot inside a tent is a lot more comfortable than a car (unless you tear out the backrest of the backseat entirely and convert the trunk/backseat into a sleeeping space), and campsites are far cheaper than hotels. www.freecampsites.net is also a decent resource (iOverlander is another) for finding free places to camp. Some are truck stops, other is BLM land, other is dispersed camping on Forestry land (there’s different “Boondocking” groups on social media, tons of resources on where and how to camp legally for free). I’ll be doing that when my SSI comes through. It’s actually kind of fun, I just go from campsite to campsite every few days and see the country. A car is the difference between tolerable and intolerable for a homeless person.

            Sorry to hear about your friend, sad but true that most friends really aren’t your friends especially when things get difficult. What will be amazing is the real friends you discover that either 1) you didn’t know you had or 2) you never thought you’d make.

            Sounds like you have everything handled as best as you can! Again, glad to help and feel free to ask questions. I can’t say I know everything but after 13 years of being homeless (with and without a car) I do know a few tricks. Take care.