He was on some broad anti-asian shit at this time in 1940. But he did come around.
Just don’t look into what he did to his wife
He was on some broad anti-asian shit at this time in 1940. But he did come around.
Just don’t look into what he did to his wife
I think about Helen every so often when the topic comes up. It’s sad to think that her talent was wasted on propping up a husband that never loved her the same way she loved him.
It is easy to dislike Ted for this, but I think this sort of thing happens a lot to partners who have sick partners. It is a huge strain on the relationship and the care-taking partner can often feel like a victim. After all, nobody really checks on how the illness affects them and it can feel like they are trapped.
Consider also that it sounds very noble that she sacrificed everything for him, but was that what he wanted? A sacrifice can be selfish if not done with consent of both parties. This was especially hard for women at the time because a divorce didn’t just mean the end of a relationship, it also often meant the end of their life (figuratively, but sometimes literally). Patriarchy bound women to men in a way both parties were trapped by.
Monogamy is hard, even without illness. Communication is the thing that keeps relationships going and even today people are bad at it. In the time they were alive, I don’t think they even had real models for what good communication should look like. This isn’t to say Ted was blameless, but I also won’t say that he was a monster for this.
This isn’t about monogamy or how her sacrifice was noble because it wasn’t. This is about Helen not getting the credit she’s due or the encouragement from Ted to pursue her own passions because he clearly benefited from the sacrifice he didn’t ask for.
Surprised to see everyone dog piling on Ted in other comments. Marriages at that time weren’t often based on strong footing and we’ll never know exactly how they felt when they married or how their feelings changed throughout life.
[Based only off of the summary] It’s easy to see Helen as a saint but it could just as easily be an unhealthy codependence. Chronic illness/pain/disability can completely erode a relationship over time. She pours more and more of herself into him without realizing (or denying) that there are aspects of a relationship that she can’t give. Doesn’t even have to be sexual, could be something as simple as a walk in the park or sharing a favorite meal outside her diet.
She gave up everything for him. Her passions, time, health, and eventually, even her life. Then he moves on immediately as if he were glad that she’s finally gone. It’s pretty depressing.
The worst part is thinking of how many women did the same thing for their husbands through history. There’s even a common saying that is seen as empowering, but I hate it with a passion: “Behind every great man is a great woman.”
[…] behind every great man is a woman dedicated to his greatness whilst behind every great woman is a man dedicated to bringing her down.
Angela Carter
I like the addendum
I hope Dolly’s was an exception.
From what I recall, no. I remember seeing something years ago about how some male agent or pr person in her life tried to being her down.
I detect no lies.
Agree this is depressing, but the act of moving on quickly after a s/o dies doesn’t always signify a lack of love for that person. It’s an old fashioned notion that there’s some sort of magic waiting period one must go through before moving on without being seen as callous. Losing someone can leave a really big hole in your life and people can react to this in a lot of different and desperate ways. I wouldn’t continue to judge based on some construct of mandatory waiting period.
All that aside it does sound like for other reasons the doctor was pretty slimy which is a pity to hear as I liked his literature.
Are you speaking generally? If so, I agree with you. However, if you read the whole story, it’s pretty clear in this instance that he didn’t love her by the end.
I had been unaware of that facet of their relationship, I only knew about him cheating on her when she was sick. I should rewrite my post.