Independent Minnesota US Senate candidate Marisa Simonetti, 32, has been sentenced to three months in the Hennepin County workhouse after throwing a live tarantula onto the staircase leading to her tenant’s living space in Edina. She was convicted of gross misdemeanour harassment and misdemeanour domestic assault and will serve her 90-day sentence on school and work release. The court also ordered her to serve two years of probation and submit a written apology to the victim.
Simonetti’s sentence comes as she campaigns for a seat in the US Senate, hoping to replace Tina Smith in the November 2026 Minnesota election. Her candidacy has drawn further attention after a video she posted of herself confronting a Girl Scout and the child’s mother over selling cookies without a permit went viral, putting her own conduct under public scrutiny.
That poor spider.
video she posted of herself confronting a Girl Scout and the child’s mother
She thought that was a winning interaction to post of herself?
You know, I think headlines like these might be getting to the point where they don’t even qualify as onion-like. The Onion headlines are at least clever jokes that make sense when you think about them. This is more like someone playing “yes and” with a bunch of crazy people.
Poor Tarantula.
I know they’re not fucking toys. They’re lovely animals too.
Smarter than some dogs.
If recent times are any indication, people too.
Humans set the bar real low
No?
Well I happen to know some pretty fucking dumb dogs.
yeah, i like to go visit the local sheepdog trials. it’s always hilarious when the sheep outsmart the dog. or shepherd, really not sure.
if all of my encounters with them (and all the stories i got from my second boss, who fled a sheep farm for the city) were consistent with normal sheep behavior, sheep are godsdamned idiots. even more stupid than ducks.
She was convicted of gross misdemeanour harassment and misdemeanour domestic assault
I guess tarantulas aren’t cute enough to warrant an animal cruelty charge :(
if it was a venomous spider that can seriously harm people, it wouldve assault with a weapon.
It’s a tarantula. They’re like 8 legged dogs. They want nothing more than to eat small game and cuddle up somewhere warm and safe. As a kid in a day program at a zoo, the handlers would sometimes let us hold them.
But it was a tarantula.
There’s a whole video of this floating around on the internet. I usually don’t go in for videos that look like the old Cops show, but that one is worth a watch.
The woman she was harassing was renting out the basement of the house through Airbnb because she was fleeing domestic violence.
Simonetti didn’t even own the property. She was illegally subletting the basement. The cops showed up and Simonetti was so crazy that the cops weren’t having it.
I’ve seen this too, these people are terrifying. Here’s the link to the full body cam. Get ready for a whole helping of crazy eyes
Holy fuck! You guys were not lying, what a wild ride!
That was fucking insane, like, Jesus christ, don’t let this bitch control ANYTHING!
I skipped on the other videos, but got sucked in by the crazy eyes comment. What a ride!
a karen in its feral state.
I wonder why she’s running as an independent. Couldn’t be more qualified to be a Republican.
Although she initially launched her political career as a Republican and lost two Hennepin County Board races in 2024, the local 3rd Congressional District GOP committee withdrew its endorsement following her 2024 arrest, stating she ‘does not reflect our values’.
The GOP kicked her out for bad behavior. She’s too much for the addicts and pedophile warmongers.
Sounds like a charmer…
Here is another article on this that I found a little bit clearer in terms of what happened. So basically her tenant asked her to fulfill a basic responsibility that landlords are supposed to handle and she had an absolute fucking meltdown? Honestly the tarantula is the tamest part of it. I hope the tarantula is okay and also that the tenant is okay, not because the tarantula was a real danger but because of every other fucking thing this woman did. Good lord.
From what i saw of her cop-slop episode it wasn’t even her property. She was illegally subletting it.
Both by the terms of her rental contract and that short term lets were illegal in the city.
This is so much worse than “neighbor”.
Also, how fun:
Simonetti “intercepted” groceries ordered by the individual and refused to return them until officers told her to do so
Attempted murder… yikes
Unfortunately I doubt it is. Tarantulas are surprisingly fragile; a throw like that would most likely kill one :(
The bodycam footage of the incident is wild. She’s a complete and total piece of shit.
the Hennepin County workhouse
the what now?
some places never really had that veneer that slavery ended.
Hate to break it to you but slavery did not end in the United States, it outlaws it’s use except in the case of lawful detention. Ie. The state and the feds can own people but you nor I cannot.
Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
Section 2
Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
Look up the word veneer maybe
Well it wouldn’t have the veneer of something that never happened.
It’s Minnesota, so maybe they’re just choosing to be honest about it?
For a politician it’s probably the first contact with real work.
Facts buncha actual welfare queens
also blared loud Christian music
Simonetti, a local real estate businesswoman who runs a house-buying firm
Jfc this article just gets worse and worse
AI slop thumbnail though
Is that why they’re not in real girl scout uniforms? And those boxes make no sense. Oy.
She’s perfect for US Senate except for being about 50 years too young.
And yet 17 years too old for Trump to molest.
Perfect for the next 50 years. They’re not elected old, they just stay in office till they die, because of cronyism and corruption.
Showed the headline to a friend and asked him what he thought she did for a living.
‘Realtor’ was his first guess.
She’s even worse than that, she’s a professional parasite. She runs a “home buying firm,” which means she routinely fucks people out of an average of $50,000 per transaction. To accomplish this, she uses media (TV, billboards, print, social) to convince homeowners of a lie (they will make the same if not more money using homebuyer services than using the conventional real estate process) by telling them a truth (the transaction will be fast and they will have money in their hands in just a few days).
It’s an amazing feat of leveraging human desire to absolutely fuck the dogshit out of them: they willingly believe the lie because they want the money in their hands quickly and in so doing, they get fucked out of five figures.
Ohhh is that what those “we buy homes” signs are all about?
Tarantulas aren’t cheap pets. That’s definitely sending a message.
They’re also incredibly delicate animals :(
For the curious, falling more than a few inches is often fatal due to a burst abdomen.
Oh no, poor thing
That seems… Unworkable in the wild? Are they a purely captive species at this point?
It’s just one of the downsides to having an exoskeleton while being so large. They’re a big bag of spider soup with a thin, fragile shell, and any cracks in their exoskeleton are permanent until their next molt.
Even a tiny wound has a high chance of them bleeding to death, and since they move through hydrostatic pressure, bloodloss also essentially paralyzes them.
So do they exist in the wild? How?
By sticking on the ground, mostly. They don’t climb and make webs like other spiders, they crawl and actively hunt or ambush prey.
The forest floor (with its thick layer of detritus) is also a much better cushion than concrete or rock, so they can more easily weather small falls in nature.
Gotcha
And she’s a 32 year old landlord too.
She was illegally subletting the basement, too. There was an ordinance against hosting temp rentals like AirBnB, iirc.
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