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Meanwhile, Elaine is dating a karate sensei and they get mugged in the park and he didn’t use his karate to protect her, Kramer is making counterfeit kurieg pods, and Jerry has a new set that only works offstage.
Like George would end up being married lol
Right, one employee has a common digestive issue that’s common to many, and they devote an entire dairy free ice cream machine to him, and make him a diversity case study? That doesn’t sound remotely plausible.
He might be management or HR. They’d never buy an extra machine even if half the common workers were lactose intolerant.
You really think someone would do that? Just go in the internet and tell lies?
Where does it say anything about an ice cream machine? I agree that a company probably wouldn’t even spend money on a dedicated fridge/freezer, but I’m seriously wondering where you get the ice cream machine part from
Just go with it. No one will question it.
Next say you’re diabetic to avoid the ice cream socials. Lol
Diabetic Dave’s Inclusive Freezer Initiative
Can’t have artificial sweeteners either because they give him migraines.
Diabetic Dave’s Inclusive No Sweetener At All Freezer Initiative
The diabetic and lactase deficient Dave’s coconut milk ice cream with monk fruit and allulose quarterly social.
“Oh yeah? Then why do you always opt for white rice over brown? I’ve got my eye on you, Peterson.”
“That’s cauliflower rice Johnson!”
You dick…
Tell him turn up to the ribbon cutting, try the dairy free ice cream, say"Christ that’s rank!" and then vomit on the CEO’s shoes.
Problem solved.
He’ll need to learn to vomit on command.
Oh no. I’m lactose intolerant but I’ve been storing my plant-based ice cream in a regular freezer!
If they were really concerned about him feeling welcome, they would ask what he wants and take it at face value.
“I desperately long for the companionship and camaraderie affiliated with these ice cream socials, but through some cruel form of injustice, I am forced by my body to abstain! If only there were some alternate frozen dessert we could all participate in! But alas! It is plain to see that I am simply not meant to enjoy the finer things in life with my peers, and shall thusly remain in my cubicle, alone, during normal business hours.”
I had these forced socializing events at a company I worked at. The CTO would get mad that I wouldn’t go during lunch aka unpaid time. They would have free unhealthy, low-quality food and couldn’t understand why I did want any. The husband did the right thing. Not going to them hurt my career at that job. Was seen as not a team player.
Yeah, last year at my last job they had a mandatory baseball game we had to attend. You could skip it if your boss aprovef you skipping otherwise you had to use PTO to not attend. So glad I’m not there anymore they used to regularly hold meetings that could be summerized with HR just flipping everyone the bird for 45 minutes.
had to use PTO to not attend
Literally fucking wage theft.
While I still think it was outrageous, you had to actually take the day off to not attend. They were very open your options are attend or take the day off using PTO.
Ok so it was paid time if you did go to the game? That’s not so bad if that’s the case
Yeah, still didn’t want to go. But no I wasn’t being robbed of anything other than doing real work at work which I would have rather done. Still hated every minute of it.
mandatory baseball game
I can think of very few professions where this would be acceptable.
I worked at a company that among other things made engines used in F1 racing cars. Located in Indiana. The whole company got the day off for the Indianapolis 500, and the day before the official race (“carburetion day” when they test out & tweak the final car configs). Everyone was highly encouraged to go.
But it still wasn’t mandatory and TBH I never went though I kinda wish I had for the experience
We made conveyer belts. I see no relation between that and baseball. At least when making F1 engines there’s a clear correlation to race cars.
At one of my old jobs, every week there was a 30 minute presentation given by another random coworker. Something about cross-knowledge and culture. It was always hosted during lunch; you were expected to just starve that day, I guess.
I really needed that half hour alone time to partially recover from hours of exhausting masking. It was strongly encouraged to attend, though ~ all the important people attended, and it was noticed if you skipped.
Most of the lactose free ice cream options use shit that upsets your stomach even more than dairy hitting a lactose intolerant stomach. I thought I was gonna die after eating lactose free ben and Jerry’s, but I’m totally fine eating their regular ice cream with some lactase enzyme.
There’s some brands that just add lactase enzyme and those are fine, but the ones I’ve had were just generally low quality ice cream and you’d be better off taking lactase enzyme with a good ice cream…
Having tried their dairy free alternative as someone who CRUSHES dairy just fine, I believe your problem is simply that you are weak and your bloodline is weak.
Fair point regarding the other individual I don’t know
Given how most of the planet’s population is lactose intolerant, I don’t understand why they just don’t add lactase to every dairy product and get it over with. I’m sure it would help sales if part of your customer base wouldn’t shit themselves from what you sell.
I imagine the two problems are cost and… People seeing lactose-free as unmanly or some bullshit and losing them customers?
The racism is a feature
As someone with lactose intolerance: Häagen Dasz and lactase pills is the shit (not the shits).
Haagen dasz is nestle. Never
B&Js vegan offerings are great, this is the first I’m learning they have a special lactose free option.
Also the dairy free Ben and Jerry just tastes worse too
Yeah it tastes weird. Then gives you explosive diarrhea for a day.
I… think there’s something else going on there, yo. I eat the dairy free ice cream and I’ve never had what you describe. Tbf, my lactose intolerance is fairly mild (no milk or cream; butter and cheese even Greek yogurt is fine). But maybe you’ve a sensitivity to some other ingredient?
Yeah most likely, not sure which one though.
That’s just a bonus colon cleanse!
A very violent and painful one
This didn’t happen.
Likely not. It’s mocking how work places do tend to operate however, so it’s humorous in the respect.
I’ve so far defied conventional wisdom by just saying flat out when I don’t want to deal with off-hours ‘fun’ time. Which has pretty much been every time. During work hours? Sure no problem. No I’m not going to a team dinner or evening movie.
Most egregious one was a couple decades back when the team was arranging a nice holiday dinner. This was early in my career so I hadn’t yet developed the comfort to reject, but the event was “pay your own way” and the restauraunt was a $120 a person, and that is not an inflation adjusted figure. I had barely enough to make rent at the time so there’s no way I was going to piss away $120 just to eat with coworkers that I get to see every day anyway. I was so nervous declining, but it got a bit easier when they acted offended I wouldn’t do it and said $120 wasn’t really a lot of money.
$120 isnt really a lot of money.
“I think the HR department is stealing a LOT of wages, because theres no way you and I are looking at the same paycheque boss”
I was a fresh out of school hire as a “temp” in a team that were mostly years on as “real” employees.
Take that shit to the grave imo
I once leaned into my social anxiety to try and get out of some company outings and dinners etc. Instead of being able to get out of them, the company made a big deal about being inclusive of me and booked a “quiet meal” at a restaurant. It was meant as a place for people with sensory overload issues. Instead it became my awkward silence hell. Nobody talking but looking with that look at me occasionally.
I’d rather awkward chewing and constantly wiping my mouth to talk than that.
I mentioned that I’m lactose intolerant once to the person who organizes lunch/snack events in the office. Since then, there’s always fruit sherbet included with the regular ice cream whenever there’s a free food event on our floor.
I don’t like frozen fruit juice for dessert, and I can still tolerate a small serving of regular of ice cream, so I’ve never touched the sherbet. I don’t know if they’ve noticed.
Bro just keep running with it at this point he’s made enough waves for those who are lactose intolerant and you know what the best thing he can do is: tell everyone that he’s taking a prescription grade Lactose intolerant treatment and if anyone asks him how is it going he can tell people, “he’s, starting treatment and it’s going slow but he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to really enjoy Lactose.”
Then!!! He can go one step further and every time there’s a birthday he can, “forget,” his prescription grade Lactose intolerance pills and not participate while still getting to enjoy a creamy coffee.
Edit: this would have to be done about a month or two after the fridge is installed because I have a feeling if they knew he wasn’t they’d make him pay for the fridge and potentially fire him.
The funny thing is I stopped drinking milk and eating dairy for a couple of years almost by accident. I started drinking black coffee, never eat cereal, rarely eat cake with cream, only have cheese sparingly. Now, whenever I do drink milk I get the shits something rotten. I actually have given myself (mild) lactose intolerance. IT CAN BE DONE.
68% of the world population has some form of lactose intolerance
You’d be in the minority if you didn’t have some intolerance
What? So if I drank a glass of milk, neat and walk it off without problems. I’m the weird one?
Lactose intolerance is a bit of a spectrum. For some it could be as minor as a bit of bloating and a few farts.
My wife is lactose intolerant and we always have soya milk in the house. I don’t drink tea or coffee and only have milk for cereal, so I just have been having soya for about 15 years.
When my son was a bit older we thought we’d make some milk shakes for him and his friends. I had one too, and boom. Massive shits and wind. Never used to be a problem for.me but now it is.
I did all the same things as you and I’m generally ok UNTIL I HIT THE DAIRY QUEEN, I generally have to have a shit (explosive diarrhea) break halfway through my Blizzard like clockwork.
