Many of us have heard the deprecating characterizations of many countries. Like Putin described the UK as an “insignificant little Island”, and Russia has been characterized as a “mob run gas station” or Trump calling El Salvador, Haiti and African countries as “shithole countries”.
Let’s flip things around for a bit of fun. After a heavy night of drinking with your country’s head of tourism, you have one shot to give your best self-depricating characterization of your country for a new border sign.
I’ll go first:
Welcome to Canada - Enjoy world class sexual assault in sport – Come and play!
Because spices were too expensive, were discovered an enrite new route to reach the source, while at the same time settling colonies and strongholds everywhere we set foot. We owned half the planet at same point, then we let it all crumble. Nobody knows who or where we are and we often confused of being part of another country. Which we lovingly hate.
“Good luck finding us on a map” - our own citizens.
Snob and so far incapable of officially facing our colonial past
That feels unfair though because I like to see the best in people. But I did the assignment
Sorry man. You did.
We have the same prices as the rest of the EU but our salaries are 1/5 (considering currency conversion too), Romania
Everyone thinks we’re mean with money, but we give more to charity per head than the rest of the UK. People also say we drink too much… Yeah, that’s probably true.
welcome to orbanistan, recently renamed for our new glorious leader! we’re the perfect hangout spot for commies for that raw soviet vibe, because we sure as hell haven’t progressed since. indulge yourself in a thousand intricate flavours of hate, walk the depressed streets of our only city, or simply enjoy our currency making you feel like a millionaire just for being able to afford to visit.
“The world thinks we are efficient and have no humor. In reality, our trains are a joke.”
Ah! Home sweet home.
“Where the bureaucracy still mainly runs on fax machines.”
Hey, at least fax machines still work while Outlook is down.
Our last child torture camp shut down in 1997.
Ouch. Better late than never?
We get left off maps…often!
I live in Shetland - we sometimes get left off the maps of our own country (UK)!
What’s that island again? Tanzania? No… Tazmania? Yes, that must be the one.
New Tasmania!
Small patch of unnaturally flat earth filled to the brim with a mix of moody, always busy, direct to your face, cheese farm descendants turned bureaucrats, drug-den youngsters, aging white boomers that own every piece of real-estate and immigrants from EVERY corner of the planet, all 18 million of whom are perpetually unfulfilled in life even though they’re supposedly ranked 7th in world’s best list. - “Happy” Holland
Until
and immigrants from EVERY corner of the planet
I was like “C’mon man, Denmark or the Netherlands, give me a clue!”
Open house smorgasbord
Duitchland but small and with cheese
Love cheese.
Lazy and rent-seeking. Go figure.
I tried, but it came out more bitter than self-deprecating
Thanks for trying.
We’re nice now, we swear, please buy our cars.
Either Japan or Germany!
I can’t speak for them but I’d suspect Japan has moved on to “please buy our big breasted animu babes douzo yoroshikuwu”. Good for them honestly.
