Blocking name callers on Lemmy. It’s a very small community and it makes a huge difference. Anyone that is hateful enough to type out useless mean things instead of just a simple downvote is someone to avoid. Charged criticism that clearly denotes an opinion, contrasting view, attempts to provide education, or offers an opportunity to educate is all good. I’m not trying to live in an echo chamber. But, if it’s a simple mean spirited slur or jab even at someone else’s comment - block! It really cleans up the feed fast. Most people here are pretty on edge, but there’s only a handful of total assholes and they can be avoided.
So besides the obvious of transitioning and meeting my wife, the big one is getting comfortable socializing and becoming part of communities.
I used to have crippling social anxiety, like, I felt like an intruder with no right to be there going to the grocery store (and I still struggle with that instinct). But I made a point early into my transition to start going to events I was interested in. It was college so it was easier to find them, but events still happen outside college you just have to look harder for them.
I made friends, and those friends dragged me to stuff. I even worked up the courage to go to a social meetup for the local bdsm community, which I’d been interested in. And slowly but surely I learned that there’s a lot to gain and little downside to going to an advertised event that seems fun, and that if I’m interested in doing something I should look for it. This is everything from meetups to classes to whatever. If I won’t know anyone that’s ok, I can just say I’m new and interested in it.
I’ve moved time zones away and within a year built community and made friends in my new home. I’ve run groups solely because I was tired of waiting for someone else to run them. I met my wife while attending an event alone (she was too) and just flirting with her.
I’m still fucking awkward irl, I’m still nervous going to something new or where I’m not well known, I still get a rush of fear going into some public spaces. But I know I can handle it, and I know how to make friends, and I know it’s not going to be a catastrophe if things go wrong or I screw up. I also know I’m much happier when I leave my apartment and meet up with people.
I think this is a skill a lot of people really need to learn.
Other big ones are getting into cycling and going pescatarian.
I was out of shape, focusing on strength training for attractiveness over the pandemic when I had an incident of getting embarrassingly winded in front of friends, one of whom was a nurse that was concerned for my health. So I started running, but running fucking sucks even if you get a runners high, I’m sorry to those that like it, they’re wrong. My wife then told me about a bicycle co-op she knew about and we got me a bike. It’s fun to ride, it’s fun to work on, and it keeps me in shape. But even more importantly it does wonders for my energy and mental health when I bike regularly, as well as giving me a fun exertion activity when I need to process stuff. And there’s the added bonus of it making my butt and thighs look fucking amazing.
Pescatarianism (with a plant and dairy focus) helped with my anxiety, improved my mood, and improved my bowel movements. And on that note fiber supplements have been a wonderful addition to my life, has been my bidet. I really can’t recommend psylium husk highly enough.
I stopped smiling and catering to rapists and nazis (republicans). I tell them exactly how I feel. really helps my mental health.
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Getting a Dumbphone. I’ve never regretted it, though there are some changes I wish mine did & didn’t have, I’ve never thought about switching back, let alone happily, It has what I want & need it to do without me having distractions I have to look at to use my phone, Calls, Texts, Photos, Music, Alarms & the snake is decent,
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Getting up really really early. weirdly, as a night owl I love getting up super early, it’s hard to get into, & you can mess it up quite easily, but wonderful when you do get into the groove of it, there’s a lot of guilt when staying up late but when up early you get all the benefits of being up late without the guilt, you can often catch the night before the sun is up, let alone the rest of the world, great stuff.
These aren’t for everyone ofc, this is just my experience.
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Switched to a degoogled privacy ROM on my phone. Quit FB, X and any other bog tech social media Quit my previous career and took a year off. Went to a IT Boot Camp and pivoted careers. Did all of these after I got over a full blown pandemic and work induced burn out.
Label everything. Even stuff that’s obvious. Idk why but it’s easier for me to process that the thing of leftovers has Mac and cheese if I write it instead of just rely on seeing it. I leave myself post it notes for chores I intend to do later.
Coffee.
Hell yes.
Username checks out.
Therapy, switching to linux, taking steps to transition, coming out to a friend irl
In that order
Gave up pretty much most of my free time to work at a series of meaningless jobs that eventually made it a bit easier to hunt for bargains on potatoes in my old age.
Started taking a class. The people I’m hanging around now are slowly restoring my faith in humanity.
Hell yeah! Getting out and doing things is great for you
Installed a bidet. What a beautiful thing to always have a clean bum.
I looked into this a few times, but my particular toilet seems to have a ceramic curve to it that would block the positioning of most bidet attachments. I should try again, it’s surely not impossible, but discouraging when most reachable hardware stores only have one or two.
You should get the hose kind. They just kind of hook onto the side of the tank.
Not as elegant, but they’re effective.
SELF REFLECTION AND LOSING WEIGHT DURING COVID!
Retrospectively i was real scum and an asshole befor. Ye ye i was a teenager with lots of issues that made me fall this was, and growing up in a toxic, unhealthy (food and behaviour wise) parents home, did anything but help. But the confidence of lots of cycling, being out so much, having now a body you actually like, is not overrated. Reflecting, turning to better philosophie, questioning my own behaviour and beliefs. Amazing. While i still am working on unlearning trauma-endused behaviour, i wouldnt be here if i didnt start this journy in the first place. Covid isolation truely was the best thing to happen in my life.
Started exercising every day. All I do is 10 pushups, 60 seconds of planking, and 30 sit-ups. It takes less than 10 minutes and I’ve done it for about a year and a half and I’ve got a nicely toned stomach and better core strength from it. I’m pretty happy about it and it definitely makes me more confident. I also watch what I eat. I’ve lost about 40lbs in that time
You can now also defeat just about anything in one punch too.
Stop drinking alcohol
I stopped drinking a year and a half ago, quit vaping 3 years ago (quit smoking butts a few years before that) and in the last 5 years or so have significantly inproved my diet. Holy crap do I feel better. Less fatigued, more focused, sleep better I can go on. I still smoke more weed than I should, need to try cutting that out at least for a little bit too but its my last vice…
I kept buying scissors until i can always find a pair of scissors
I did this for reading glasses.
Now I find them all hanging out in a novel hiding place, how do them manage this grouping behaviour?
I’ve done this with a lot of tools
hex keys, scissors, utility knives, and screwdrivers can be found on every level of my house and in the garage, as well as in dedicated tool sets (i.e. bicycle toolbox)
no more “oh I need to go get this tool to fix this one minor thing. that’s annoying me every time I use it”, it’s at most ten steps away and I can do it now
