There’s no magic answer. My best advice having wasted half my life trying to accomplish what seemed like a “good life” I ended up nearly broke and divorced with almost nothing but suffering to show for my time.

Now I pursue what makes me happy and only try to be as successful as I need to be so that I can keep doing what makes me happy. One day I’ll be dead, and then whatever pile of shit I accumulated will be unceremoniously thrown in the trash by a distant relative. But if I can build something or help someone, then that’s what I feel like doing with my time. Its not hedonism but its sort of a disengage ment from the rat race. Im not trying to get rich or gain power, I’m trying to relax and enjoy my life and help people while I can.

When reality challenges your ideology, engage with the challenge in earnest. It’s okay to be unwise and ignorant in your early 20s, but if with time you did not gain wisdom and experience, you’re gonna have a very bad time going forward. By the time you’re in your 30s, you should be able to encapsulate and verbally explain what you believe in, both about the universe as a whole and about yourself.

Stick to your word as well as you can.

Being good is more important than being comfortable.

Don’t let fear stop you from trying to reach your goals, many times whatever you’re afraid of is simply not real or not as bad. And yes, this includes talking to women.

Also, if you’re always chasing money, you’ll lose your humanity. Remember it should just be a tool, a means to an end and not the end by itself, else you’ll become an empty shell of a person, a resource hog or even a hedonistic monster.

Finally, always take the high road and let the guilt following actions taken in moments of poor character wash over you. If you don’t let it stay with it, if you run from accountability, you will just become a dangerous child.

PS: You’re too old (like, maybe a decade and a half too old) and probably have too much testosterone to believe in “manifestation”. Might as well wait for Christmas and write a letter to Santa. You just do your best and hope for the best (for the sake of your emotional stability AND to give yourself the best chances to accomplish what you set out to do).

I’m turning 40 in a few days, heres my advice based on my own failures and some successes.

WORK

Don’t pursue something you love as a hobby, because you will stop loving it as work. Exceptions to this are if you’re naturally good at it AND it’s traditionally a high paying field. For example, as a little kid, the weekly newspaper had a section containing house floor plans for sale. I used to take that instead of the comics, and id ‘mark’ them, pointing out what was good, and what was shit, and I drew hundreds and hundreds of my own house plans in meticulous detail as a 10-year old. I should have studied to be an architect. I would have lost passion for it, but at least I would have been naturally talented at it, which would have made my job easier, and therefore life happier.

If you are naturally talented at illustration, writing or another art, don’t pursue that as work. Your passion for it will be destroyed and you won’t be successful making a career of it. Instead, find something you’re naturally okay at, and do that as a career. The only way to do this is by trying tons of hobbies, and losing interest in them. A lot of people pick up hobbies and lose interest and think they are wasting their time and failing. That’s not true, they are learning about themselves. Keep on finding and trying new hobbies. You’re not failing at them, you’re auditioning them for the role, and most wont make the cut.

If you find that you pick up electronics easily, perhaps you should be an electrical engineer. If you can fix cars really well, shoot for diesel engineer. If you like boats, then maybe maritime engineering. If you are naturally very attentive to detail, like to be organised, and can convince people of things with your words, maybe consider lawyering. If you enjoy sculpting, then welding or civil engineering would be a good fit. If you love talking to people, socialising, making friends, doing banter, then there are a range of things that might suit you, Real Estate, public relations, sales rep. If you are of moderate to high intelligence and still aren’t sure, choose a trade, like electrician, gas plumber, HVAC, solar tech, baker, butcher, cheesemonger. These have low barrier to entry, you can get paid to learn, and will always be an excellent backup option, and as a moderately intelligent person, you’re going to already be in an advantageous position and will excel in the field.

Which brings me to backup options. Don’t put all your efforts into one industry. As we see with the rise of AI decimating the software development industry, you can do everything right and still lose. I happened into this mindset accidentally. I started my working career as a metal worker machinist at 17. Then I started welding, and did that for 5 years. Then I went into the tech field as an IT grunt, on-call service tech in the hospital industry (nightmare), then I got into software engineering, then software design. During this transition I studied a completely unrelated degree at uni that is applicable to some rather specific government jobs and also worked weekends as a machine operator for an arborist and got my truck and EWP license. In a roundabout way, I became an architect by accident, just of software rather than houses. But if that went tits up tomorrow, I could easily get a job as a machine operator the following day, which paid almost as much, and I could look for a job as a welder, or machinist, or look for a job in the government sector I mentioned. I could even get a job in a bar because I have experience there and a liquor serving permit. Keep your options open, which leads me to:

EDUCATION

No matter how bare ass broke you get, education is the one thing the bank and repo men can’t repossess. This makes it a good investment. As mentioned above, either study something you’re naturally pretty good at and has prospects of a well paying job, or study something that definitively gives you options if your first plan goes sideways. It could be a uni degree, or a trade, or a certificate, just get something. Yeah it takes 2-4 years and that seems like a long time, but my dude, life goes on so much longer than that afterwards. The reason I didn’t study architecture was because 4 years seemed like an eternity when I was 20, and I was afraid I would lose interest in it. If I had known that, yes I’ll lose interest in it as a hobby and end up disliking it just like any other job, BUT I’ll find it easy because I’m naturally good at it, this would have changed my whole mindset. Make your working life easier.

Education doesn’t stop at university. Where possible, get employers to upskill you. If they won’t, do it yourself. Occupational First aid, forklift license (unironically despite the meme, I drive a forklift sometimes in my day job as a software architect when the warehouse staff are all absent, and it’s so much fun), truck license, alcohol serving permit, chainsaw safety, EWP, Hiab crane, open cabling (network and telecoms), whatever piques your interest. Some of these are required licenses, and others are just optional training, but both types are useful. These sorts of courses take a couple of days, cost a couple hundred bucks, but you’ll have the education for life. You might even find a new thing you’re naturally good at or meet fun people. Have I used my boat skippers license once since I got it? No, but it was a hella fun way to spend a weekend and $200.

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Holy hell this one is a resource drain if you let it be. Boys, girls, gay, straight, nobi, trans, Polytechnic, only the Aroace get a reprieve from this one, and even for them, there is much to be lost here.

Sex doesn’t matter, and it won’t make you happy over any sort of timescale. Sex is like doing a whippet in the backseat of your friends hyundai behind a closed gas station, you’ll feel nice for 10 minutes before the regret sets in and you ask “What the fuck am I doing with my life?” Before doing another whippet to escape the shame. Unfortunately sex is a base biological imperative for most people, and it will make them stupid things. I’m not immune to that, but with age, I have developed through experience and exposure some resistance towards the impulse to do dumb shit and squander money for that next whippet.

A fulfilling relationship has many facets, and sex is one of them, but a small one, and in some cases the sex facet can be a barrier to success of a fulfilling relationship if expectations are not aligned or honestly is not being practiced. My advice on relationships might be controversial, but you should not be seeking someone who makes you happy or someone who completes you. It’s not someone else’s job to fill in gaps in your life that are lacking or that you haven’t or aren’t willing to work on. Each person should bring to the relationship the whole of themselves without expectation of getting a crutch to lean on, because this leads to asymmetry, unmet expectation, and resentment. An asymmetry might develop or become apparent, and that’s ok, but it is then the responsibility of the person with the weakness to work on improving themselves and the responsibility of the.person being leaned on to communicate expectations and boundaries. If one person loses a job and becomes financially dependent on the other, that isn’t a reason to end a relationship , in fact it can strengthen a relationship and spur personal growth on both sides, learning humility, gratitude, strength, compassion. But if that dynamic lasts a long time, or if the unemployed person doesn’t make any effort to reduce their dependency, then resentment will seep in.

I recommend this short read, The Abilene Paradox, to better understand expectation, resentment and what happens in interpersonal relationships when honesty is missing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abilene_paradox

DRUGS

Try them if you want, but recognise their hazards and your own weaknesses. Most of my friends were heavy drug users, including cocaine, meth, and heroin, most were alcoholics. All of us are over 30 now, and all of us are clean and sober, and happier for it. If you think you’re becoming habitual or dependent on a drug, try to catch it early, go to a meeting, talk to a psych, read trip reports for 8 hours, whatever you can do to build your own awareness and cognizance of its dynamic in your life. Again, this will be an unpopular opinion, but if you thing you are even slightly dependent on alcohol, don’t wait 15 years, get help right away. It doesn’t have to be an AA meeting, but they are free after all. Detox and Rehab is very expensive.

Lastly, the world is not going to end, even though it feels like it will. I felt that way all my life. Why bother committing to anything when the only useful skill I’ll need is scavenging food scraps and hiding from roving bands of cannibals in a radioactive wasteland. It took surviving multiple once-in-a-lifetime catastrophes to realise “oh, the world’s going to keep on going, and it’s going to drag me with it if I don’t walk.” Don’t let the deep apathy in forever, dip your toes in if you need to, but then get on with your day.

Hope that helps in some way. I have a lot of regret in my life, but most of it is either repairable or teachable. Its ok to look back, but it’s rude to stare.

Don’t do trading. Unless you’ve got millions you’re spending hours making dollars, if you win more than you lose at all. It’s fine if it’s a hobby but treat it as such.

Manifesting: does not work outside of your head. If it gets you in a good mental state then by all means do it. Being in a good mental state is just about all that matters.

What worked for me: buy and hold. Find people you like being around. Figure out why you like being around them and try to be more like them.

Make sure your entertainment is not a grind too.

I mean, regularly gauge how addictive your video-game choices are. Many modern video-games have been constructed as psychological quagmires with seductive dopamine reinforcement-loops.

Keep your mind fresh by investigating FOSS gaming.

Desktop - https://libregamewiki.org/Main_Page

Mobile - https://search.f-droid.org/?q=game&lang=en

Some titles:

SGTpuzzles – Shattered Pixel Dungeon – TacticMaster/lichess – Box Stacker – Luanti – 0ad – Battle for Wesnoth – filletsNG – Cube2:Sauerbraten – Gurgle(wordle) – GCompris(for kids)

Manifestation used to work but then I manifested for it to no longer work

Stop with the trading. Get sensible investments like index funds in a 401k or something. You can’t simply manifest something. If it helps you to have mantras to repeat that’s awesome and can be helpful to some people, but you have to actually live those words. Manifest it through your actions.

I wish someone had told me index funds only, forget trading, just grind compound interest for decades.

Also: lift barbells, floss, read more doom-scroll less.

Mentioned in the last post of yours. If you aren’t managing your mental health, it will hurt you in the long run. Seek therapy.

Learn to be comfortable being bored. This will take you a LONG way

Strengthen your core. Back pain in your 30s is a bitch.

Floss daily.

Manifestation doesn’t work.

You set goals and work towards them. Discipline, work and the ability to learn from your mistakes will take you further than wishing on a star.

Yo! I’m 25 years old, so not quite a wisened ancient, but I think I still have some good advice to dish out to a youngster such as you.

MANIFESTATION DOES NOT WORK!

Actions work. You want money? Find ways to make money. You want to travel more? Find the time and the funds to travel. Wagering your success on wishful thinking is nonsense, and I say this lovingly.

If you want a better headspace, I suggest journaling; it doesn’t need to be serious or regular, just write down your thoughts and think through your options on paper, process your emotions in ink.

Also, taking some time once in a while to clear your head can do wonders. No music, no books, no videos… Just you and your thoughts. Sit on a park bench or just in your room and be quiet. Relax. I like to do this on my daily walks; I call it “raw-dogging the world”, and it’s a little weird at first, but it’s good.

TRADING IS TOO RISKY

Look, I know some people can do it and succeed, even long term, but you have no reason to believe you’re one of those people. You know how I know you have no reason to believe it? You have no industry backing. I suggest you get off trading and do some long-term, boring, diversified investment and stick to it.

Trading can be part of a good investment portfolio and strategy, especially if you’re willing to put time into learning how to do it well, but it should never (and I mean never) be the way you make money, unless you have institutional capital backing you. Which you don’t.

If you’re American, maybe you can stick to an S&P500 index fund and be satisfied; I prefer an all-world fund.

Seriously, trading should be maybe 5 in every 100 bucks you invest, if you’re crazy. If you’re sane, it’s 0.

Physical Fitness

Please, please pay attention to your physical fitness. I was very fat (obese) at your age, and it was terrible. At the time I didn’t realise just how terrible it was, but when I shed the weight I felt like such a moron for having been so unhealthy for so long. Also, I was so weak! I’m not strong, per se, but even the little working out I have done in the years since has changed my life.

Seriously. Eat right, stay at a healthy weight, and do some basic exercises regularly. Go for walks or something, some push-ups and squats, nothing fancy. Just stay reasonably physically fit. It will pay dividends later on, but it will also feel WAY better RIGHT NOW! I swear.

Career

I’m still figuring this one out, but so far my strategy of aggressive upward mobility has worked out fine. Don’t be afraid to change jobs, send out applications to random stuff that seemingly doesn’t fit your experience level or CV… Just, try to get a job you don’t hate and that pays good enough, and then try to get a better job (or a raise). Again, definitely don’t take this as gospel or anything (you should take the physical fitness advice as gospel, by the way; I’m serious, it’s insane the difference it makes), but it’s what’s worked so far.

Friends and Hobbies

I regret letting go of my social life entirely. I’m very asocial and bad with people, but it can be fun if you know how to balance it with everything else, and it gets really much harder to get back into being social after you’ve gone years without engaging with anyone. So, get friends and stay in touch! Just a little, if that’s all you care to do, but at least do something so you don’t lose them.

For hobbies, I definitely think that spending hours doomscrolling on TikTok was a terrible mistake I was making at your age. Or YouTube. Seriously, read more. Read literary fiction, old books new books, any author, whatever. Just read more. Non-fiction too, from actual experts (not wannabe gurus that pump out self-help drivel). Read more, learn more about a variety of subjects, educate yourself.

Again, these are things that I noticed I failed at at your age, and now as I have changed or am still changing my habits and priorities, I’m seeing the difference it makes.

Parents

I don’t know what your parents are like, but my parents (and my family in general) is very helpful and supportive. If you can rely on them, do rely on them. It’s OK. But also, make sure to spend quality time with them and pay back their efforts with love and appreciation, and probably most of all, pay them back by being happy. If you’re feeling unhappy, if you feel stuck or lost or anything like that, speak with the people you can trust and rely on, and let them help you. They want to see you happy, and they will do right by you if you let them.

This is my experience, and I do hope you can do that too, though I realise it might unfortunately not be the case.

Isn’t trading nearly the same as gambling if you’re not good at it? Well even if you’re good at it is still gambling.

Some stuff I didn’t see in reading responses.

• Learn some “handy” skills. Create, build, repair. Stuff breaks all the time (and is probably only going to get worse), and as an adult you may be the one responsible to resolve that. It’s satisfying to do, saves money, makes you more independent, and might even open additional employment avenues.
• Do travel. Pick places with cultures you aren’t familiar with. While some high costs may be unavoidable (plane tickets, for example) travel can generally be done fairly cheaply. It’s an amazing experience and I think can give you some valuable perspectives on life.
• Be reliable. Having a reputation of someone who does what they say they will may open doors.

Something I did see but wanted to say as well anyway:

Don’t try so hard figuring your life out that you forget to live your life. Find balance.