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Upgrade your Jitterbug, mate. Looks fine from here.
I take it back.
There is a Christian bedtime story where I’m from. In the end it says something like “and you’ll wake up in the morning if god wants you to”. wtf what if god doesn’t want me to wake up tomorrow.
ded
Stroke
Then you don’t
Christian God doesn’t even come down to earth in the form of an animal to get you pregnant. You just wake up one morning with a bun in the oven. Dude should at least make it fun. Zeus and Posieden knew how to have a good time.
My favorite story now that Hades 2 the video game is in early access, is that Melenöe, Hades daughter, was conceived by Zeus disguised as Hades hitting up Persephone.
They do skip details like this in the Hades games, also skip incest and inbreeding. They dont skip same gender relationships though, so at least there is some details that are retained
I’ve been holding off getting Hades 2 only because I haven’t beaten Hades 1. Which is probably stupid, because it’s a roguelike and I could be unable to beat it forever because RNGesus hates me. 🤣
RNGeus.
Zeus doesn’t even discriminate based on gender. He saw Ganymede, a cute mortal twink herder, and brought him to mt Olympus to be his femboy cup-bearer. Tried for ages to get him pregnant, but with no such luck.
Probably ought to be glad Zeus doesn’t exist either.
Good call. Everything is Zeus’s type.
…I think I’d rather be Zeus’s type than Yahweh’s…
UwU
The priest looks like Father Ted
Huh…I spent so much of my life concentrated on the fact that Mary was a lying slut who absolutely had sex with someone. Thus making Jesus not only NOT God’s child, but also by definition a bastard…that I never thought about the story from the perspective of it being true. If you take the story at face value, and God impregnated Mary in her sleep? That makes God a rapist who didn’t get consent.
Mary was not virgin until they changed the story later around A.D. 300, during the Romain Catholic Church.
Oh. Damn. I only heard the story AFTER 300AD. I was late to the game, I guess.
No way, Religion is all a sham? MIND=BLOWN
In school I tried to bring up this theory that the three wise men all thought they were the father and came bearing gifts for that reason and mary was either lying or totally clueless/tricked. It wasn’t well received but nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
Unclear if typo, or powerful statement.
bile is an important part of your body’s functions, don’t compare it to the silly storybook
A little from column A, a little from column B? ;-)
Actually an angel appeared and told Mary she was chosen. She said “aight bet.” So, technically consent.
Your boss shows up and says, “you’ve been chosen”. Say no and you’re fired…
Jesus was a bastard who was BFFs with a prozzie, did violence against the wealthy, and spurned authority. God might not listen to Slayer, but I reckon Jesus would have
Right? Jesus was a real one. Christianity should be metal AF.
That makes God a rapist who didn’t get consent.
If we take the story at face value, he did get consent.
And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
- Luke 1:38
Man…dirty talk sure was different back then.
Yep. Pretty fucked no matter which way you look at it…
Has anyone informed you of Sithrak the Blind Gibberer?
All hail the God Who Hates You Unconditionally 👌
“No worse than us, mind.”
I find this religion refreshingly honest and egalitarian. I might convert.
If the only piece of advice on how to live you get from a religion is “Stay alive as long as you can!” That’s still better than a lot of the rest of them.
Oglaf is a fucking treasure
Jesus is still a bastard too.
Yeah I never heard of God getting married.
SLAYERRRR!!!
\m/
Considering Mary seems to be around 12-13 from the literature we have? You’ll age out of it, I guess? Cold comfort…
I never heard of this, but I feel no need to doubt it.
Wait WHAT?? Bruh what is going on with Christianity?
Muhammed had a 9yo wife (but it’s “totally cool” because he didn’t fuck her until she was 11, I’m assured…), it’s not just Christianity.
Also iirc people had babies about once a year starting around 14 until they died at 30 of any number of causes, and that’s if they made it past infancy since the infant mortality rate was so high, which was also why people had like 20 kids. Frankly it’s relatively recently that the standards we know today were put in place, and I’m happy for the strides we’ve made but there’s still room for improvement, but this type of shit happened by all religions for most of recorded history and probably before that until like, 19xx.
Yeah, this is one of those cases where it very much was a standard of its times. Even in societies that were generally egalitarian ya saw it since well as you stated infant mortality was real fucken high and giving birth wasvery dangerous.
Is it really so surprising?
Wait for them to learn about islam
Yes
I honestly think that if a personal, knowable, and forgiving god exists as the god-botherers say they believe in, then he/she would get down with some Slayer and chuckle at the irony of listening to such music.
Why can’t a god have a sense of humor?
I like this comic but there’s one thing I can’t get past - why can’t this person draw noses???
Those noses are perfect, whats wrong with your nose
Ever heard anything called art-styles???
