Virginity is special because it’s your first time doing something very intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming. You need it to be with someone who cares about you so they can make it a good experience. It’s not some victorian-purity BS, it’s actually practically sound.
First no, my first time wasn’t that great and i sincerly do not care about it at all. I still don’t get why everyone makes such a fuss about it.
Second this is not even what the tweet is about, it speaks about the expectation of young women to guard their virginity like a treasure and if they “fail” to give their virginity (as if it was present), to the perfect partner they somehow “got taken advantage of” and people pretend it changes something fundemantal about the girl.
Rape victims who didn’t have sex before the rape suffer especially under this. On top of the trauma they also get the message that they lost something important, are fundamentally lesser because of a dick that was inside of them.
This tweet is saying men aren’t special enough to take anything important from you just because their dick was inside of you, you aren’t funamentally changed, you don’t need to stress too much about it.
Virginity is just a concept, its not that deep. Otherwise lesbians would be virgins forever.
It’s not special in some cosmic sense. You’re not losing a part of your soul.
But as the other dude said, you’re experiencing something very intense & intimate for the first time. That moment is significant for the vast majority of people.
I didn’t say that having sex with a new person for the first time isn’t special, I said there is nothing special about virginity itself. Sure I said it in a crass offhand way, but that was what I said.
Women are taught our virginity is this incredibly important special thing that needs to be held close and only given to that one special person. We are taught our virginity is so sacred that it must be cherished. This creates the idea that after a woman has sex for the first time, she is somehow broken or unclean. It creates a hierarchy of women who have lost their virginity and women who haven’t. You would not believe how many of my friends treated me like a slut because I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time, a guy I dated for over 2 years after. But because we were horny and fucked after dating for 2 weeks (something I brought up before him), that made me a whore. Just me though, not him, he got high fives from friends.
The point is, maybe we should stop teaching people that women’s virginity is sacred and teach them about how to have safe sex instead. Perhaps if we taught people about safe and healthy sex as a natural activity that many people engage in, young virgin girls wouldn’t be something that adult men thirst so hard for.
Notice it’s only women’s virginity that is held to this standard, not men’s virginity. Whether you like it or not, putting women’s virginity on a pedestal the way people do, it’s perpetuating purity culture and patriarchy. It’s another to see women as lesser than men.
And when women, like me, admit it was nothing special, we are shamed. The example is all the men trying to convince me that I’m wrong about virginity or that I’m some special case because I wasn’t traumatized.
You are conflating two different things. The post is about virginity being “significant” but your position seems to be more about your first sex being “especially good” which is not what any person ever claims.
Also no one is shaming you in this thread. I guess maybe you had bad experiences elsewhere? There is nothing shameful with not caring about your virginity but that isn’t a common position.
The very first comment I replied to opened with a man stating “What a stupid take” because a woman said she is going to teach her daughter that virginity is not some special thing that a boy can take away from her. The first comment mentions that it “needs to be with someone special”, that is putting virginity on a pedestal. It should be with someone who isn’t an asshole and wants you to have fun too sure, but they don’t need to be special. Young folks should be educated on how to have safe sex and make it fun, if they choose to have sex at all.
I am being told in comments that I am some special case or an outlier, using anecdotal data btw, because I am a woman who was not traumatized my first time having sex and I am saying sex is just sex. Even first time having sex is still just sex. And it’s always women’s virginity that gets treated this way, never men’s virginity. Men get a high five when they fuck for the first time, women get treated like we are sluts. Like there is something special about virgin women.
Treating virginity as something to be treasured that someone can take from you is exactly why women feel shamed for enjoying sex. It’s perpetuating purity culture and the idea that women are wrong because we also enjoy fucking.
Blegh. So much loaded language. A MAN said one thing in reference to something a WOMAN said. How dare he.
IMO sex should always be with some one special to you, it’s not respecting your own body to just go fuck whoever. That’s my perspective on it, I’m not calling those that disagree with it a whore but it’s how I feel people should treat their own body. Why take on the various risks of sex with some random person you don’t care about? At that point why not just Jack or Jill yourself. And yes, that applies to men too - which I assume will blow your mind. Similar to how I think people should eat healthy foods… those that don’t aren’t morally wrong they just aren’t setting themselves up for success and IMO making a mistake.
I agree most western cultures put too much emphasis on female virginity, catholicism stands out, but IMO you’ve gone way too far in the opposite direction into “sex literally has no cost” which is factually wrong.
Dude you don’t decide if people are respecting their bodies the right way.
This IS some puritanical shit.
If you are so fragile that the wrong vag will destroy you than please do your dew dilligence and don’t fuck anyone you haven’t vetted thouroughly. But don’t speak like you have any authority over the rest of us.
I mean I’m a guy but that doesn’t match what literally any girl in my life has ever said.
They pretty much all share a similar story about them being extremely nervous and it being uncomfortable awkward sex. No one described it as “magical” and also no one described it as “just another Wednesday”.
But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.
Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.
Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.
It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.
Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.
Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.
Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.
In which scenario would you expect to feel better.
What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.
Again, disagree. The average is not much younger than I was, 17 is closer to average (at least in the US). And I didn’t say it shouldn’t be with someone you care about, I said, there is nothing special about virginity.
I’m not going to argue with another woman just because I disagree, just know that I’m not that much of an outlier and virginity doesn’t have to be some special thing. It’s just penis in vagina or other variations of genitals that one’s satisfy sexual orientation. Not all women carry trauma from the first time having sex, I carry no trauma other than he couldn’t finish because he was nervous.
If we stop treating it like it’s something special and instead as a natural part of life, maybe people can talk about it more openly instead of treating it like it’s a taboo subject.
Edit: I mistakenly assumed this guy was a woman because I misread one of his comments. The rest of my statement still stands.
Many of us get raped. Just look at the statistics. It’s not fucking special and pretending it is puts more value on it than it’s worth. Look at all the grown men that sit around with countdowns over young womens virginity and being legal.
Karaoke is way more intense than sex if we’re being honest. Like the vast majority of people lose their virginity all on their own with no financial incentive, but a huge chunk of people wouldn’t sing karaoke ever, even if you offered them like ten bucks
So for you karaoke and being internally penetrated is similar, that’s fine. But I’m assuming you have the command of your senses to realize that this is not a normal point of view, peobably not a healthy one either.
Similar in that they can both be, your words, “intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming.”.
I’m going to argue that the “normal” point of view that holds losing your virginity as a big fucking deal (pun intended) is in fact unhealthy. It’s often bundled up with patriarchy. It really doesn’t need to have all the brouhaha. That creates a lot of misery and hangups.
You’re not proving that it should be a special case. You’re just acting like it’s self evident.
Incidentally,
You need it to be with someone who cares about you so they can make it a good experience
Woman friend 1 said that it’s personal and for some people it’s a big deal, and not for others. Sex is unique in a lot of ways. She didn’t outright reject the karaoke comparison, but did emphasize that different people have different experiences and attach different meaning to it. She didn’t reject the comparison, but didn’t especially love it. Treating sex as meaningless has its own perils, she said n
Woman friend 2 reached for “like doing LSD or mushrooms for the first time” rather than karaoke, but didn’t reject the comparison.
Both reject purity culture and the idea of virginity as something you lose, and rejected your take from your top post.
I’m not going to post screenshots because the conversations had a lot of personal details.
You’re doing a bad job of arguing. You made a claim. I offered a trivial counter. You’re not updating your claim. You’re just saying “nuh-uh”.
You could try arguing that the degree is different, but as someone said that’s not true for everyone. Some people are really casual about sex! From the start! And some people would never, ever, do karaoke.
Even if you were factually correct (you are not) your argument is structurally unsound.
What a stupid take.
Virginity is special because it’s your first time doing something very intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming. You need it to be with someone who cares about you so they can make it a good experience. It’s not some victorian-purity BS, it’s actually practically sound.
First no, my first time wasn’t that great and i sincerly do not care about it at all. I still don’t get why everyone makes such a fuss about it.
Second this is not even what the tweet is about, it speaks about the expectation of young women to guard their virginity like a treasure and if they “fail” to give their virginity (as if it was present), to the perfect partner they somehow “got taken advantage of” and people pretend it changes something fundemantal about the girl.
Rape victims who didn’t have sex before the rape suffer especially under this. On top of the trauma they also get the message that they lost something important, are fundamentally lesser because of a dick that was inside of them.
This tweet is saying men aren’t special enough to take anything important from you just because their dick was inside of you, you aren’t funamentally changed, you don’t need to stress too much about it.
Virginity is just a concept, its not that deep. Otherwise lesbians would be virgins forever.
What if you weren’t lucky enough to have that experience though?
It’s not worth a life-time of disappointment and self loathing.
Maybe the message ought to be about caution around sex generally rather than a single experience.
You can teach a concept and encourage teenagers to have some care about their first time without heaping any shame on them.
Disagree, there is nothing special about virginity. I was 18 and horny, I just wanted to get some dick so I did.
It should at a minimum be with someone who also wants you to have fun too, but past that it’s not special at all.
It’s not special in some cosmic sense. You’re not losing a part of your soul.
But as the other dude said, you’re experiencing something very intense & intimate for the first time. That moment is significant for the vast majority of people.
I didn’t say that having sex with a new person for the first time isn’t special, I said there is nothing special about virginity itself. Sure I said it in a crass offhand way, but that was what I said.
Women are taught our virginity is this incredibly important special thing that needs to be held close and only given to that one special person. We are taught our virginity is so sacred that it must be cherished. This creates the idea that after a woman has sex for the first time, she is somehow broken or unclean. It creates a hierarchy of women who have lost their virginity and women who haven’t. You would not believe how many of my friends treated me like a slut because I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time, a guy I dated for over 2 years after. But because we were horny and fucked after dating for 2 weeks (something I brought up before him), that made me a whore. Just me though, not him, he got high fives from friends.
The point is, maybe we should stop teaching people that women’s virginity is sacred and teach them about how to have safe sex instead. Perhaps if we taught people about safe and healthy sex as a natural activity that many people engage in, young virgin girls wouldn’t be something that adult men thirst so hard for.
Notice it’s only women’s virginity that is held to this standard, not men’s virginity. Whether you like it or not, putting women’s virginity on a pedestal the way people do, it’s perpetuating purity culture and patriarchy. It’s another to see women as lesser than men.
I feel like that moment is pretty insignificant to most young girls.
And when women, like me, admit it was nothing special, we are shamed. The example is all the men trying to convince me that I’m wrong about virginity or that I’m some special case because I wasn’t traumatized.
You are conflating two different things. The post is about virginity being “significant” but your position seems to be more about your first sex being “especially good” which is not what any person ever claims.
Also no one is shaming you in this thread. I guess maybe you had bad experiences elsewhere? There is nothing shameful with not caring about your virginity but that isn’t a common position.
The very first comment I replied to opened with a man stating “What a stupid take” because a woman said she is going to teach her daughter that virginity is not some special thing that a boy can take away from her. The first comment mentions that it “needs to be with someone special”, that is putting virginity on a pedestal. It should be with someone who isn’t an asshole and wants you to have fun too sure, but they don’t need to be special. Young folks should be educated on how to have safe sex and make it fun, if they choose to have sex at all.
I am being told in comments that I am some special case or an outlier, using anecdotal data btw, because I am a woman who was not traumatized my first time having sex and I am saying sex is just sex. Even first time having sex is still just sex. And it’s always women’s virginity that gets treated this way, never men’s virginity. Men get a high five when they fuck for the first time, women get treated like we are sluts. Like there is something special about virgin women.
Treating virginity as something to be treasured that someone can take from you is exactly why women feel shamed for enjoying sex. It’s perpetuating purity culture and the idea that women are wrong because we also enjoy fucking.
Maybe my position should be more common.
Blegh. So much loaded language. A MAN said one thing in reference to something a WOMAN said. How dare he.
IMO sex should always be with some one special to you, it’s not respecting your own body to just go fuck whoever. That’s my perspective on it, I’m not calling those that disagree with it a whore but it’s how I feel people should treat their own body. Why take on the various risks of sex with some random person you don’t care about? At that point why not just Jack or Jill yourself. And yes, that applies to men too - which I assume will blow your mind. Similar to how I think people should eat healthy foods… those that don’t aren’t morally wrong they just aren’t setting themselves up for success and IMO making a mistake.
I agree most western cultures put too much emphasis on female virginity, catholicism stands out, but IMO you’ve gone way too far in the opposite direction into “sex literally has no cost” which is factually wrong.
Dude you don’t decide if people are respecting their bodies the right way. This IS some puritanical shit.
If you are so fragile that the wrong vag will destroy you than please do your dew dilligence and don’t fuck anyone you haven’t vetted thouroughly. But don’t speak like you have any authority over the rest of us.
🤣 I literally never said that and mentioned teaching youth safe sex in most of my comments, but you do you and stay prude dude ✌️
I mean I’m a guy but that doesn’t match what literally any girl in my life has ever said.
They pretty much all share a similar story about them being extremely nervous and it being uncomfortable awkward sex. No one described it as “magical” and also no one described it as “just another Wednesday”.
Yeah that makes you somewhat of an outlier. Most are below 18 and want it to be with someone they care about
But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.
Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.
Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.
It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.
Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.
It should be talked about, in that we agree. Sex ed should include what to do, what to expect, and how to have fun as well as protecting oneself.
I am also a woman and I have no trauma from my first time. It was with my bf at the time, but it still wasn’t anything special.
Unfortunately the fact that it wasn’t traumatizing is pretty special, you just never needed to find that out fortunately
I would like a source on most if not all women experience trauma from losing their virginity. Because my experience really isn’t that special.
It was fumbling, silly, nervous, sure. But not traumatic.
I think thats exactly why this sentiment is being fielded.
It allows a separation from what can easily be a less than pleasant experience that society often puts a lot of pressure on.
That actually makes it worse. Trauma is healed by being acknowledged, not trivialized.
Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.
Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.
In which scenario would you expect to feel better.
What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.
Please don’t go around telling people trauma is a mindset again.
Again, disagree. The average is not much younger than I was, 17 is closer to average (at least in the US). And I didn’t say it shouldn’t be with someone you care about, I said, there is nothing special about virginity.
First times of everything is considered special throughout all cultures, it goes without say that the more intense and intimate the more special.
I’m not going to argue with another woman just because I disagree, just know that I’m not that much of an outlier and virginity doesn’t have to be some special thing. It’s just penis in vagina or other variations of genitals that one’s satisfy sexual orientation. Not all women carry trauma from the first time having sex, I carry no trauma other than he couldn’t finish because he was nervous.
If we stop treating it like it’s something special and instead as a natural part of life, maybe people can talk about it more openly instead of treating it like it’s a taboo subject.
Edit: I mistakenly assumed this guy was a woman because I misread one of his comments. The rest of my statement still stands.
I’m happy to hear that for you.
I don’t know a single woman who’s not been traumatized by their first time.
And I know plenty who haven’t been traumatized. Anecdotes aren’t evidence.
Edit: I don’t think you’ve talked to very many women if you’ve never met a single woman who wasn’t traumatized after having sex for the first time.
You already know the research on this, right?
Many of us get raped. Just look at the statistics. It’s not fucking special and pretending it is puts more value on it than it’s worth. Look at all the grown men that sit around with countdowns over young womens virginity and being legal.
Why doesn’t karaoke get the same special category?
Nah. Can help. Can hurt. Not a requirement.
How intimate are your karaoke sessions?
Because in karaoke your genital orifice is not penetrated by a foreign object for the first time
Karaoke is way more intense than sex if we’re being honest. Like the vast majority of people lose their virginity all on their own with no financial incentive, but a huge chunk of people wouldn’t sing karaoke ever, even if you offered them like ten bucks
Karaoke is not a comparable situation regardless
Seems like it has been compared just fine!
So? Why should sex be special cased?
Clearly not because
because then we’d have karaoke virginity too. And many other things.
So for you karaoke and being internally penetrated is similar, that’s fine. But I’m assuming you have the command of your senses to realize that this is not a normal point of view, peobably not a healthy one either.
Similar in that they can both be, your words, “intense, intimiate and potentially painful and overwhelming.”.
I’m going to argue that the “normal” point of view that holds losing your virginity as a big fucking deal (pun intended) is in fact unhealthy. It’s often bundled up with patriarchy. It really doesn’t need to have all the brouhaha. That creates a lot of misery and hangups.
You’re not proving that it should be a special case. You’re just acting like it’s self evident.
Incidentally,
Also applies to karaoke.
So I don’t believe you when you say
Yeah, go tell sone of your female friends in real life that karaoke is comparable to their first time.
I’m sure you will, because they’re totally comparable and you’re not a troll, right?
I’ll wait for your screenshot showing how they reacted.
No further replies until then.
Quit fucking speaking for women. Just fucking stop.
THANK YOU! I was tired as fuck when commenting and done arguing, but this really is what his comments boil down to:
A man is telling women we are all traumatized when we lose our virginity.
Woman friend 1 said that it’s personal and for some people it’s a big deal, and not for others. Sex is unique in a lot of ways. She didn’t outright reject the karaoke comparison, but did emphasize that different people have different experiences and attach different meaning to it. She didn’t reject the comparison, but didn’t especially love it. Treating sex as meaningless has its own perils, she said n
Woman friend 2 reached for “like doing LSD or mushrooms for the first time” rather than karaoke, but didn’t reject the comparison.
Both reject purity culture and the idea of virginity as something you lose, and rejected your take from your top post.
I’m not going to post screenshots because the conversations had a lot of personal details.
You’re doing a bad job of arguing. You made a claim. I offered a trivial counter. You’re not updating your claim. You’re just saying “nuh-uh”.
You could try arguing that the degree is different, but as someone said that’s not true for everyone. Some people are really casual about sex! From the start! And some people would never, ever, do karaoke.
Even if you were factually correct (you are not) your argument is structurally unsound.
I’ll see what my friends say in the morning
well now you tell me.
Lmao