Farts are the ghosts of animals you have eaten.
This includes aphids, tiny spiders, and bacteria on veggies, for those of the vegetarian or vegan persuasion.
Related story – at one of my jobs they had a kind of screwup trophy - a large can of Budweiser Beer and Clamato Juice. This was, and might still be, an actual product made of beer, tomato juice and clam juice. It was awarded when somebody screwed up, to be displayed proudly until someone else earned it. One Friday night the janitor accidentally knocked it on the floor, apparently cracking the seam at the rim of the can, and the entire contents slowly leaked into the carpet, where it festered all weekend.
No doubt a delicious beverage when new, this trophy had been in use for several years and was well past its best-by date. Monday morning the whole building was like a colossal science experiment gone horribly wrong. Employees were sent home and a hazmat team suited up and went in. Once they located the problem they cut out a couple square yards of carpeting, cleaned the area, and it took all day for giant fans to clear out the stench.
epilog: having learned their lesson, the team immediately continued the tradition with a new can.
One time my dad farted at the store and he could not escape it. The fart followed him around the entire store.
One time I crop dusted an aisle and it was so bad even to me I had to get out of there. It could have peeled paint off the walls. Half a minute later I heard someone rather loudly proclaim, “Oh my God! It smells like somebody shit their pants!” from the next aisle over. I wish I could remember what I ate because I had a winner that day.
Lost any gerbils or hamsters in the last year or so?
Sounds like your facilities guys are dumb as all hell. Let it air out a day before you start claiming it’s dead rats ya turds
I farted with my kid’s dog under the blanket. She woke up, jumped off the bed and projectile vomited on the wall and carpet.
Worth it.
shit just works indeed
well, at least the office will be cleaner and better maintained now
You simply cannot tell me that your diet is healthy when the aroma of your gastrointestinal tract is “death”
I mean I put dead stuff in one end, why wouldn’t it smell like death coming out the other? 🤷♂️
Well, it has to do with that dead stuff decaying if it stays there too long.
This is gonna get a little TMI, so I’ll spoil it. But long answer short, it will smell bad, obviously But if it smells that bad, you should see a doctor.
PSA: Pay attention to this kind of thing, it could save your life.
So, we know how digestion basically works, right? You chew your food, swallow it, it takes an acid bath in your stomach, and it breaks down into pulp and nutrients that your small intestine soaks up. That waste moves through a phase 2 in your large intestine for good measure, and then is discarded. Easy peasy, clench and squeezy.
Until it doesn’t.
People who have: a bad diet low in insoluble fiber and high in protein, an infection or illness related to their GI tract (Crohn’s, IBS, Celiac disease), are taking certain drugs or medications (opioids and amphetamines being two major culprits), or other issues will experience one of three things.
Option A, shit literally moves so fast that nothing of value gets absorbed and you end up malnourished. Option B, your plumbing is full of problems and seriously catastrophic things happen if you don’t exclusively subsist on the stuff on the List of Safe Foods For Your Bad Plumbing. Or, Option C… the whole line shuts down and things crawl through so slowly it comes out like rock.
C stands for constipation, if you didn’t catch that. When your large intestine doesn’t move matter through fast enough, the water in that payload keeps doing what osmosis does best and migrating to an area of high concentration. If your colon is failing in its primary job (reclaiming water and salts, fermenting useful and interesting things, and draining the lymphatic system), it can be a really, really big problem. Especially if it gets bad enough that you get to the impaction phase.
It will literally start to rot. Inside your body. And the gas and residual particles that escape will come out in two ways; in a fart that smells like absolute death, or (in the ‘Go to the fucking hospital right now’ scenario), in your breath.
It’s genuinely, actually dangerous to your health if things don’t move through on a regular schedule. And those bowel movements shouldn’t have the texture of gravel and it definitely shouldn’t last longer than maybe 20-30 seconds at a push. If you’re constantly straining to move solid rock, there’s a problem. If you have people fleeing the bathroom if they go in immediately after you’re done, there’s a problem. And if, especially if, you’re making that deposit at the bank less than once a week – but you’ve been farting a lot or trying and can’t go – there is a big problem.
Constipation can lead to a lot of extremely serious issues, and there are tons of warning signs to look out for. Treating it is a mixed bag, and it can be anything from a temporary issue to a major health crisis. Long-term, the problems you’re looking at can range from hemorrhoids to hernias. If you know people on long-term opioid-based pain medication (or who abuse opioids), this is a real threat to their health. Acute problems, like you see in people who’ve recently been on a fuckton of antibiotics, can be a major emergency.
This is a gross conversation to have, yeah. But a shocking number of people think that these warning signs are genuinely normal. Fulfilling a normal bodily function shouldn’t be painful. If it is, talk to a doctor.
Easy peasy, clench and squeezy
I’m stealing this
Good to know though
Why are you putting meat in your protein shake?? ಠ_ಠ
You do know plants were alive too, right?
But also, most protein powders are milk based, and plenty of people are lactose intolerant and just never connect the dots that protein powder has lactose. So they get intestinal issues. .
Not just many, nearly every single adult will develop some form of lactose intolerance as they age, and as you say, a huge portion will never connect the dots l.
Not nearly that high. Globally, around 35% of adults have lactase persistence. 65% of adults lose it and become lactose intolerant, but it also depends heavily on race.
For those with Central and Northern European roots, most are lactase persistent. Like over 90%. That decreases as you move south and east, with <5% of East Asian adults being lactase persistent and 95% being lactose intolerant.
In the US, 70-75% of adults are lactase persistent, due to the heavy European ancestry of Americans.
Thats a fair point actually, I was thinking dead things like something that died in a ventilations duct and kinda jumped to animals specifically, but they could technically mean dead plants too
An old roommate of mine would try different protein powders. The plant based ones were the worst when he’d rip ass.
The worst overall was when he had the meat based protein powder. He didn’t wash the blender after that one once and we had to get rid of it.
Aren’t most protein powders pea based these days? That has to be cheaper.
Apparently the plant based powders are more likely to have lead contamination problems.
There’s definitely more plant-based protein powders out there these days, but whey still makes up the majority.
For the protien, duh.
Hmmmmm meat paste beverage 🤢
I think a lot has to do with the microflora one has. The microflora can absolutely be influenced by diet but part is simply unique to the specific person. The specific bacteria one is exposed to at birth has a huge impact for the rest of your life as your immune system tends to attack bacteria that you didn’t have in your first weeks of life. Taking antibiotics can also permanently alter the micro flora. I know more than one family where one specific member has horrific farts but the others don’t despite basically identical diet. So it really can just be bad luck. Not everyone drinking protein shakes gets horrific farts but some do.
That’s their fault for not taking their weekly kombucha enema. No sympathy from me
Well this is fake, so it is telling you nothing.
He said “my usual morning protein shake”, so…
For reference, i think the people who think that’s healthy also think that protein bars are healthy.
One: maybe, in circumstances (like, starving). Usual: no.Protein shakes are ok although you can get your protein other ways without having to buy expensive drinks but anyway protein in and of itself is fine, but if you just drink a bunch of protein shakes but otherwise don’t change your diet. That’s not a diet.
If you are on a diet and constantly feeling hungry because of it protein is a good way to make you feel full.
I just eat some cheese which is considerably cheaper.
Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.
Aren’t farts just the ghosts of the things we eat?
Evil spirits.
They’re the ghost of
christmastoilet future.To pass gas is to release the souls of the consumed to be free
I did this in an elevator at college on my way up to pick up girls for lunch. But took the stairwell on the way down while they took the elevator. I ran down to see their reaction as they got off. They looked like I did leaving the gas chamber in basic training.
Name checks out.
I am a farter, as was my father and his father before him. My son is learning the ways of the farter tho I bemoan that he values frequency over potency.
I’m fartin’ over here!
I was trying to finish a 18 eggs in a week because I needed to travel
The level of sulfur in my farts was comparable to visiting a sulfur mine. It was absolutely brutal.
I did not finish all 18. 18 is a lot of eggs. I am not Gaston or Cool Hand Luke.
18 in a week sounds very doable, 3 a day isn’t much and you finish in 6 days.
It is doable, but I also wasn’t that committed after a few days.
I gave them to a family member instead
Breakfast burritos everyday bro
Haha I love eggs but it’d be hard for me to get to 18 in a week. Maybe deviled eggs.
Pies, choux pastry and a roasted egg for breakfast.
You can rack eggs up incredibly fast.
When bored of the above, tortilla de patatas, filodough packs, quiche Lorraine, add as a side, even Ramen with a single egg in is plenty to reach 3 a day
That’s only about 2.5 eggs per day. Cook a 3 egg omelette for breakfast for 4 days, and you’ve already used up a dozen. Make some egg salad for lunch a few times, and cook a few pans of brownies or cookies, and you’ll burn through them easily.
I may have been too narrowly focused for this.
Between fried eggs, egg sandwiches, deviled eggs and baking, you can go through 18 quite easily no?
I did two eggs for breakfast and a fried egg sandwich for 3 days, then just the sandwich, then omelettes, but it wasn’t enough.
I’ve never made devils eggs, I guess I should have tried. Ended up giving them to family.
My so has a brownie recipe that takes 6 eggs. A double batch of that and you’re good!
I am not Gaston
Best line in the whole movie/musical IMO:
“When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large. And now that I’m grown, I eat five dozen eggs, so I’m roughly the size of a barge!”
Gave 'em a dutch lift.
The moment when pros arrive and tell you “This smell is not human”
Plant based protein powders are fantastic and more people should use them.
Or just eat beans? On top of the protein you get a lot of fiber and a handful of other nutrients, and they are delicious!
Beans, beans, the magical fruit
A 12oz protein shake can have 41g protein @ 230 calories
To get the same from black beans you’d have to consume 2.75 cups of black beans @ 624 calories
That’s a huge chunk of your daily calorie intake + the other effects that beans will have in your intestines, no thank you
Stairwells seem notoriously underventilated. Toots seem to linger excessively. Hallways with a brisk walking pace are better for difussion of the stank.
This in an important feature to firegap escape routes from filling with smoke in a structure fire, but as we can see every engineering decision has trade offs.
Crop dusting toxic gasses through the hallways.
